31/12/2012

FALLEN

I am the fallen.
My halo is tarnished, my wings are broken.
I am clothed in dirty rags.
Life is blind to me.
I let go of it a long time ago.
Just a fool living a foolish life.
Just call me never was.
I crashed and burned when I fell.
I was wreckage.
Thrown into a dark pit, then crushed.
I have never known who I am.
I lost myself on my way down.
My name is prodigal.
My heart is one of fear.
My soul torn apart.
My mind fragmented.
I have fallen deep within myself.
My own living hell.
The place I call home.
I have let go of hope.
Despair carries me.
I only know the cold of  darkness.
On the edge, I think to myself, six feet down
  doesn't seem that far down.
I keep wondering when will it be the end for me.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(31/12/2012)

RELIGION IS DEAD

You have an iron grip on this world.
You think you are the god over it.
I hear the lies you spread.
They are poison and everyone swallows it all.
People never question your false authority.
They follow your commandments blindly.
They worship you as if you were a god.
To me it's sickening.
It fills me with anger.
As you lead so many down your path laid out,
  one that leads straight to Hell.
You are a false idol.
You are a false god.
I pay no heed to you.
I will not bow before you.
I will not call you holy.
You are not my father or my rabbi.
There is only One who is the Father and
  only One called Master.
I call all you say and do empty and hollow.
I stand against you.
For you serve a dark god.
Your religion is a lie.
I do not believe in you.
Your religion is dead and leads to death.


SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(31/12/2012)

30/12/2012

MY LAST RESORT

Don't you see, these physical bruises and cuts 
  are nothing?
The bruises and cuts to my soul are what
  hurts me.
You just do not care.
You cannot see beyond yourself.
Always drunk, always high.
You are slowly killing me.
I feel like nothing.
Is not that what you always say?
I am listening, I can hear you, I believe you.
I cannot see anything but your words of 
  sharpened steel.
Shot straight through my heart, shattering it.
You always laugh when you beat me.
I don't understand.
I am just a child.
I cannot fight back.
I wish that I could, I would see you dead.
Right now I am feeling dead on the inside.
I want to end all the hurt and pain from all
  the harms I am afflicted with.
I only see one way out.
Killing this beaten and broken body.
You wouldn't be able to hurt me any more.
Oh, the sweet release of everything.
I would look down on you and wish all evil 
  upon you.
But it should not have to be this way.
I deserve so much more.
You don't!
You should die!
I wish you would just drop stone cold dead.
Either way I have to escape this living hell.
I will take my last resort.
I am leaving this so-called life, 
  it's all thanks to you.
I wish God would strike you down.
But I don't see God here.
He has forgotten about me, leaving me forsaken.
I don't want to go to heaven, I don't want to go 
  to hell.
Since I am already nothing, 
  then nothing I shall remain in death.
I just want it to stop.
This is my cry.
I just want to be free of all this.
I am of no consequence.
I give up, I give in.
I am broken here.
I want out.
To end this nothing life, that is dead anyway.
My last resort to take.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(30/12/2012)

THE PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD

Is there any hope left in this world?
Or any good left to see.
I try to believe in the beauty I know is there.
But living in the grey my sight is hazy.
What has happened to the love?
Who killed the truth?
Despair grips my heart and soul.
Almost choking them to death.
The world I see seems toxic to me.
Caustic has life become.
As Man rusts and corrodes.
I grow weary with it all.
And I begin to see.
The problem with the world is me.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(30/12/2012)

TO TELL A TALE

To tell a tale.
One few will understand.
And more will fail to see the truth,
  in what I have to say.
You see, you are ignorant, but not by fault.
No blame is put upon you.
It's just the way it is.
The tale is long, and complicated.
Still, I will put voice to it.
In hopes the ignorant will hear and
  maybe understand.
Even if in some small way.
The tale has a beginning but no end.
It is deep as an ocean, and wide as a desert.
The message is so hard to see.
But one is there, I a sure you.
Nothing is plain to see.
As all is between the lines.
I am laden with this tale to tell.
No matter if it is hard to fathom.
So, I tell the tale.
Please listen, you might just hear something.
Lend me your ear for awhile.
As I endeavour to tell a tale.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(30/12/2012)

YOUR OWN WAY

I  don't know what to say to make all the hurt 
  go away.
I don't know what to do to ease your pain.
May comfort be with you as the healing starts.
And may the healing come to you.
I know the hopelessness.
I too feel it.
To see you cry and try to conceal it with a 
  transparent mask.
I have the same stains on my heart and soul.
But I am not you, I am just me.
With my own hurt and pain from all the harm 
  dealt to me.
And I hide it in my own way.
You walk your own path.
You go your own way, so lost and alone.
I can call out to you.
I will offer what I can.
I will be there with you, I will be there for you.
If you want me to.
If only I could just wish it all away.
But you choose to conceal it all, 
  and I don't blame you at all.
You are allowed to make your own choices 
  and decisions.
Just know you are not alone in this.
I am holding out for you.
My heart is big enough for two.


SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(30/12/2012)

FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

Feelings lie!
They cut right through you, to your very core.
They burn a hole in you where your heart 
  used to be.
They leave deep wounds.
No scar tissue here.
Emotions just get in the way.
They will betray you every time.
They leave nothing but devastation behind.
You will crack, crumble and fall apart.
An ache in your soul will eat you alive.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(30/12/2012)

29/12/2012

MY SOMEWHERE

There is one who always sticks to my side 
  like glue.
She lifts me when I am down.
She watches out for me.
After everything she still loves me.
She forgives without any thought.
She's a glaring light in my dark, dark world.
She shines like a honey golden angel.
My heart, my soul, my sweetest.
She makes my life full.
And when I don't or can't she loves enough
  for the both of us.
To me she is beauty defined.
The very meaning of love.
And love incarnated.
I love her with all I can, with all that I am,
  and with who I am.
I can never repay her love for me.
Then again, she probably doesn't expect it.
She just wants one thing from me.
That I love her in return, I can do that!
She saved me, just by loving me.
What more can I ask for?
When I have all and everything.
She's my Somewhere.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(29/12/2012)

FAMILIAR ROAD

This isn't going to be easy.
No one ever said it would be.
I just wish it wasn't always so hard.
So weary, with no time to rest now.
I can't sit back and watch everything
  go rushing by.
As it wills.
But my grip is weak.
I feel as though I can't hold on.
I'm only grasping empty air anyway.
I'm tired of getting hit in the face by life.
To me, life has become one big hurt.
But I must pick up, get up, and carry on, 
  press on.
The ground is unstable.
My footing unsure.
My hands and knees are bloodied from falling
  all the time.
But hope always whispers to me, 
  telling me to give it one more try.
Although bloody and bruised.
I will rise, no matter what it takes.
No matter how great the pain.
I choke and spit up blood every time.
I am still broken.
Hemorrhaging internally.
Some wounds just won't heal.
Some scars still weep from time from time.
As unbalanced as I am.
I get up, I stand up.
Quite often I get knocked back down.
I never even saw what hit me coming.
I never do, so no surprise there.
Still, I will do my best to walk on.
I have somewhere where I want to be.
I just want to go home.
I just want some peace of mind.
Without losing any more pieces of my mind.
I don't think I am asking much.
But sometimes I just don't know.
I am so grateful for all that I have deep down
  within me.
I know it's not of me.
I know it has come upon me from up on high.
So, I try to keep on keeping on.
Even when down on my scraped knees.
They're becoming calloused anyway.
My heart is still beating.
My heart is breathing.
Expanding and growing stronger.
My soul, although torn, stays together, if for me.
I breathe in deep and up I get, on I go.
I don't care if I am still lagging behind.
I move at my own pace.
It's all I have in me to do.
No one's going to tell me any different.
I will not let them.
Even if they think they're bigger than me.
I won't be bullied or abused any longer.
This time I am fighting back.
Knock me down, I will rise, I will rise, 
  I will rise again. 
You can't keep a good man down for long.
Even when I don't see myself as a good man.
So, here I am.
About to head down a familiar road.
I know I've been here before.
Every time I end, I begin again.
So, here I go....again.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(29/12/2012)


ONE HEARTBEAT AT A TIME

My walls often fall in on me.
Oh how I wail and cry.
Woe is me, woe is me.
I miss what is right in front of me.
I am here because of my own doings.
The choices and decisions I made.
I get so weary sometimes.
I feel like all the world is against me.
I get so mad at the world.
When it's actually me I'm mad at.
It's me that I am fighting with.
I have been living with my eyes wide shut.
I have been missing the life I was living.
Even though I was in the middle of it all 
  the whole time.
I  have been blind to myself for way too long.
I have been asleep as my life went on 
  without me.
I would always wake to find I was all alone.
There was no one to blame but myself.
I was sure to let myself know that.
I am always too hard on myself.
It's no wonder I am where I am.
I have been my own worst enemy.
It's time for me to wake up.
Open up my eyes wide.
It's time I started living.
One heartbeat, one breath at a time.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(29/12/2012)

(173) "Words HURT (Silence the True Killer)".

(173) "Words HURT (Silence the True Killer)".

28/12/2012

AT THE END (OF MY LIFE)

Just look at what I've become.
This isn't me.
I don't want to be this way.
I am ugly, I hear it all the time.
I come carrying heavy baggage.
I am being crushed.
Everything is pushing me down.
I cannot breathe.
I hate all of this.
Why should I have to take any of this?
What did I ever do to deserve any of it.
I live with so much hate.
Everyday a new wound or two or three 
  is cut into me.
My heart was ripped from me, 
 dropped to the ground and walked all over.
I am being stalked.
It's killing me.
Standing on the edge looking to go over it.
It would kill all the pain and all the hurt that
  all the harms done me.
I am bleeding.
I am drowning in my sorrow.
I have evil put on me every day.
I don't know how much more that I can take.
There's not much left that I can.
There's not much left of me.
My name is now the cold, dark.
Despair is who I am.
Loneliness my only companion.
I'm starting to crack and crumble apart.
My tears are caustic.
I have become toxic.
Poison to one and all.
I am shunned, I am ostracized.
I am an exile from my own life.
My life has been taken from me violently.
My mind is now fragmented.
My heart left in tatters.
My soul torn.
I don't know who I am any more.
I got lost somewhere 'long the way.
Maybe I died, because I already feel dead.
I am bruised, I am stained.
I have dried blood on my hands.
The blood is my own.
I tried to cut out the pain and hurt.
Why am I still here, I don't want to be.
I'm invisible anyway.
I might as well go.
No one will notice I bet.
Here I am down on my knees raw and bloodied.
Crying from another wounding.
I lay down wanting the fading of the grey 
  to the black.
I would be dead, nevermore, a never was.
I am in misery, maybe I will put myself
  out of my misery.
I know I won't be held back.
I will instead be encouraged to go over that edge.
Maybe even pushed.
My wings are broken, I would drop 
  like I weighed a tonne.
This is what I want.
I am already dead.
God, you died to me a long time ago.
You allowed the inflictions.
You never stopped any affliction.
You must hate me.
I've got no use for you.
You're just the same as anyone.
I am going to do it.
I have one last resort.
I will cut all the hurt and pain out of me.
I will cut away all the wounds and harms.
No one is going to stop me, here I go.
In the silence I already suffer in 
  will now swallow me.
Through the cracks in the floor I will go.
A number I will become, another statistic.
A grave unmarked, call me the unknown.
Let this life drain out of me.
I don't want to live it any more, it's dead and
  decaying.
I will close my eyes for the last time.
I feel the release coming.
As the warm crimson life flows from me.
I feel myself fading now.
I am here all alone.
As I lived all alone I will die all alone.
I just cannot do it any more.
I have had enough.
I just want to know one thing.
God, why did you let me go way past what I
  could endure no more.
Why did you say you would never let it happen?
You lied to me.
Now comes the end, I'm done, I'm gone 
  from this world which never knew I was alive.
I never had any chance.
What choice did I have left?
This was my last resort, one from which
  I will never return from.
Now I am entombed in the darkness
  that I lived with for all of my miserable life.
Abandoned by all, loved by none, forsaken.
I would have given anything just to be able to 
  live my life free of ridicule, torture
    and the torment.
Who now will cry for me?
Who now will miss me?
Who now will remember me for who I was?
Here now at the end of my life never lived.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(28/12/2012)

ALONE, HAPPY, HAPPY, ALONE

I'm looking at my life.
Where did all those years disappear to?
I blinked, my life just flashed before my eyes.
There wasn't much to see.
That's okay.
I am just fine.
Everything suits me just fine.
I'm not looking back on anything.
My memories are all scorched and faded.
My sight isn't all that good.
My hindsight anyway.
I'm not looking ahead.
I don't want to spoil the surprise.
Tomorrow can just wait till I get there.
I move at my own pace too.
So, here I am!
In the middle of nowhere.
Living on the outskirts of life.
And that's just right with me.
I'm alone.
I'm happy.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(28/12/2012)

LIFE CHANGING

The world is always turning.
Life is always changing.
Confusing and frustrating.
The moment is ever passing.
Some day you will be here today, gone tomorrow.
That time will come for everyone.
No escaping it.
These bodies are frail.
What we are living is fleeting.
Time is borrowed.
A small measure given are we.
Use it well.
Choose your words and deeds carefully.
For it always comes back on us all.
Arrogance is foolishness because it always leads 
  to ignorance.
Such a waste of time.
As for me I have wasted way too much time,
  and I have wasted too many years.
More than I care to admit to.
Mine is a life yet to be lived.
I am not the only one.
We all fail miserably.
We all share the very same nature, 
  human nature.
We are all guilty of this sin nature.
We found it when cast out of Eden were we.
We have been looking for Eden ever since.
A fountain of youth, everlasting life.
Down that path there is no everlasting life,
  just death.
As a collective Man is foolish.
So many have been deceived.
So many have deceived.
Liars and fools are we.
God still loves us all.
I don't know why the Father even would bother.
When so many have turned and walked away.
So many have foolishly chosen to believe 
  that they don't believe.
Still God loves each and every one of us.
He calls us His children.
He sent His only begotten Son to die.
So that we may live, live eternally.
People these days just don't seem to have
  any time for God.
When He gives us all the time in the world.
We foolishly waste it on dead-end endeavours
Wicked are these days.
Reincarnated is Sodom and Gomorrah.
We still build so many towers of Babel.
Like the Twin Towers they are all going to burn 
  and fall.
Where is love?
Where is truth?
What we call love is transparent and frail.
What we call truth is actually a lie and false.
Oh God, what ever happened to us?
This isn't how we were meant to be.
It's enough to make me cry.
I imagine You must hurt and cry even more 
  than I.
We are Your chosen and we've all gone astray.
You  could justifiably turn your back on all of us.
Forsake every one of us.
Yet, He is true to Himself.
He remains faithful.
We are so undeserving.
Yet, His grace, love and mercy remains.
I just do not understand His love for me, for all.
How He always forgives time after time 
  after time after time.
How many chances are we going to get?
Will His patience ever run out?
We deserve for His wrath to come on us hard.
Even after all is said and done,
  His love will still be ours.
I heard Him say.
To me, I see it as a promise of a lifetime.
Still I will walk away willingly.
Go my own way, wanting to live my own way.
On my own terms.
I just will not learn!
I choose the hard way every time.
More of my time wasted.
Our borrowed time is almost gone.
Still we keep on, as do I.
This is my hope: Jesus loves me.
Even after all, I am, we are, still loved.
A love unfathomable, a love indescribable,
  a love unconditional, a love forever unfailing.
So unworthy are we.
I think I'm beginning to see.
That a father never turns away 
  from His children.
A father never gives up on His children.
It makes me cry.
I can finally see.
Life is all about love, His love for us.
We can live because of His love only.
It was His grace alone that saved us.
All those that believe.
So many do not or are indifferent.
So is the world, always turning.
Life, it will keep on changing.
So we keep on as we were.
Not realizing that the only true constant is
  that we can always trust in that God loves us
   all equally.
Now that is life changing!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(28/12/2012)

UNTITLED (QUOTE)

"Today I choose to be grateful for everything, today I choose to hope."
(SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY)
 

27/12/2012

AN OPEN LETTER TO YOU

"How can I forgive when it hurts so much?"

God loves you, so should you.
He knows you, He knows all about you.
All the hurts, harms, and hidden pain.
He sees all the tears you cry into your pillow 
  every night, so that no one will ever see.
He sees those stains on your soul.
He sees the cuts on your heart.
He sees that you are bleeding internally.
He knows you, He knows all about you.
He is there, right there with you.
Close by your side holding you tight.
God's not letting you go any time soon.
See, you are not alone in anything!
All the harms you are holding on to are wounds 
  ever growing wider and deeper.
You have got to let them go!
Lay them all down and walk away from them.
Let God take them and do away with them.
Yes, it does hurt so much 
  it's impossible to forgive.
Someday you will, He knows you can.
He will be right there holding you as you learn 
  to walk again.
When you learn to love again and when you can
  forgive again.
One day those wounds will be scars.
Badges of honour, something to be proud of.
Beautiful, beautiful scars.
They speak of how you were not overcome, 
  but overcame!
Here's to that day.
It's not if, nor when, but will!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(27/12/2012)



(79) IN MEMORY OF J.R. JONES ...............

(79) IN MEMORY OF J.R. JONES ...............

26/12/2012

SIMPLE MAN

I am just a simple man trying to make his way 
  through this night.
I don't want or expect much.
I just want to make it through intact.
I will walk alone.
This is my path to walk.
I follow the light that shines within me.
I know I will stumble and fall.
I will hurt.
I will be wounded.
I know I will bleed.
I will sojourn on nevertheless.
I believe in this journey.
I believe in the destination awaiting me.
This is why I press on forward.
Knowing all too well it will be a long, tough
  walk.
At times the straight and narrow becomes
  crooked and broken.
I will want to and will give up at times.
I am only a man, broken and weak.
That light within me speaks to me.
I will not give up.
I will continue on.
I will not be held down, I will not be held back.
Putting another stitch in an open wound I will
  rise to my feet again.
Though the pain be great, my will is greater.
I will continue on the best I can.
Not knowing, maybe a little afraid.
I am a blind man.
I am just a simple man just trying to make his
  way through this night.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(26/12/2012)

YOUR LOVE SPEAKS VOLUMES

I am barely alive.
My heart is still beating.
My lungs still draw breath.
I am alive.
Sometimes I just don't know.
I feel so far away from You.
Even though I know, oh I know, 
  You are here with me.
I don't know why You love me as only You do.
What am I to You?
That You would even bother with me.
But, I am alive.
I am barely alive.
I am alive because of You.
My heart beats because of You.
I breathe because of You.
I cry because I know how much and 
  how many times I have hurt You.
You have so much to give me.
You have shown Your love in so many ways.
Still I am prone to walking away from You.
Oh how You must cry because of me.
Yet You continue to love me.
I am but a broken man.
I am but a speck in this universe.
Even the trees are greater than me.
Still You care about me.
You care for me.
You keep watching over me.
I fall, You pick me up and carry me away.
I look up at You into eyes, showing me
  Your soul.
I see just how much You love me, such as I am.
I see all the hurt there that I put there.
I can never say that I am sorry.
I have done what I did knowingly and willingly.
A dear drops down onto my cheek.
I look up and You are smiling down on me.
That tear washes me clean.
All the stains are washed away.
I am alive.
I am barely alive.
I am alive.
Because You chose to love me first.
You love me.
You are the only one, the only one who can love 
  such as You do.
Your love is just too much for me.
I am just not enough for You.
You deserve more than what I can give.
Oh so much more than even me.
My love for You is weak, for I am a weak man.
Still You accept my love and me as I am.
I am naked, cold and broken.
I don't know what I can say.
I don't know what I can do.
There is nothing worthy of You.
As little as I love You, You love me more
  and more every day.
Your love grows with rising of each and every 
  dawn.
Down on my knees I offer up what little
  love that I do have for You.
I hear You whisper in my ear; "Brother,
  thank you, it is enough, I love you child."
I cry an endless river of tears that become 
  a sea.
I can feel the pain that is breaking my heart 
  for You.
You always comfort me.
You never forsake me.
You stay right with me.
Right here with me.
Here at my side always.
I just don't know of You, I know You.
I just haven't heard of You, I've seen You.
You show me through Your grace.
At my end is where You begin.
I am barely alive.
Still, I am alive.
Lord, I am alive.
Lord, You loved me first.
I am alive in You and You in me.
Lord, thank You.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(26/12/2012)

WE ARE ONE

Stand, all, stand.
As of one accord.
Back to back, shoulder to shoulder.
Watching over your brother.
Watching over your sister.
For life is a war.
We are the battlefields.
We need each other, allied.
Chosen as few, becoming many, becoming one.
There is great power and strength in numbers.
As long as those numbers act as one, 
  with like minds, and like hearts.
Down on bloodied knees we fight.
All together now, as one voice.
We will go forth.
As our King goes before us.
We will follow Him even to the death.
For death is the only mortal here.
Love will be the common thread among us.
Love will be the tie that binds us together.
"WE ARE ALL ONE!!!"
I believe as one we will brave 
  the cold of the darkness.
There is a flame in each one of us.
As one that flame becomes a mighty, 
  raging inferno.
Ignite, set fire to the world!
We are together, forever, as one.
From, for, and of One.
We are one, we must be one, we are one.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(26/12/2012)

25/12/2012

LOVE REIGN

Love reign over me.
Love fall down and cover me.
Love wrap me up and keep me.
Love shine on me.
Love guide me.
Love guard me and keep me safe from harm.
Love reign over me.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(25/12/2012)

BROKEN WINDOW

I see the world through a broken window.
I feel so cold.
It rips right through me.
I am in tatters.
My face is marred.
I wear many scars.
I still bleed from many wounds.
My heart is scar tissue.
Hard and calloused.
I feel broken, half a man.
Now I am looking into a broken mirror.
My fist meets that broken mirror and shatters it.
I don't want to look at the reflection there.
I am ashamed and afraid.
I seem so far from myself.
I cannot even see myself any more.
Lost somewhere along the way.
Now quiet and alone.
Shivering from the cold.
Tears are frozen on my face.
I am a broken man surrounded by broken walls.
I stare up into blood red skies.
I look at my surroundings.
I see a scorched earth.
Everything has been razed.
I look away.
I close my eyes.
I let out a big sigh.
It's hard for me to believe in these conditions.
This world is broken and so am I.
It's hard for me to keep hope alive.
I seem to be all alone.
My world is in ruins as so am I.
What still stands is cracked and crumbling.
The only sound I hear is the silence screaming 
  in my mind.
Oh, how endless are the echoes.
I close my eyes tight.
I spit poison out.
Anger grips me tight.
Rage cuts me apart.
There is no more order to this world.
Everything seems to be in anarchy.
Totally void of all law and reason.
All is dead or burning.
This is the world around me, 
  the world that I see.
My vision is distorted.
My sight is clouded.
I see only the grey.
I am a broken man looking through
  a broken window.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(25/12/2012)


24/12/2012

BEGINNING AND END (MY WHOLE LIFE)

You are here, Jesus You are here.
I feel Your hand upon me.
I feel Your presence all around.
This place is filled with Your warmth.
You are the light here.
All I can see is You, Jesus I can see You!
You cover me.
You wrap me up.
I am Yours, You are mine.
Forever I am with You.
Forever I am for You.
For I love You, Jesus, Saviour.
You are my first love, my only love.
I love because You love.
I live because You live.
You are why I am still here.
You give my life reason.
You give my life purpose.
Even when I forget about You.
You are still faithful to me.
Never left alone, never forsaken.
I am not left on my own.
You come running after me 
  every timer that I wander away.
I don't know why, nor do I need to know why.
You love me, oh, You love me!
When down, You come and pick me up, 
  carrying me away.
I am lost without You.
I am afraid and feeling numb.
I cannot exist apart from You.
You are a part of me.
You make me a better me.
You make me me.
You give me definition.
Without You in my life I have no life.
You are my life, my whole life!
Beginning and end.
My whole life You will always be my whole life.
My One and Only.
Beginning and end, my whole life.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(24/12/2012)

23/12/2012

SILENCE IS SUICIDE

I just wanted to live my life.
Stay below the radar.
That would suit me just fine.
Till you came along.
You took all this away.
Took my feelings and emotions
  and shattered them on the ground.
My innocence died that moment.
All the joy and happiness left me there alone.
You words were arrows straight through my 
  heart.
They were like fists to my face.
They bruised and cut me deeply.
They just could not be seen, they were on the 
  inside.
Where only I could see them all too well.
My tears were cold almost frozen.
Your laughter kicked the back of my head.
As your feet did too.
You never felt anything for me.
I was beneath you.
You treated me as such.
What did I ever do to you to deserve this?
I don't deserve this, not any of it.
I just wanted to live my life, 
  staying out of trouble.
But you would have none of it.
You made sure that I suffered.
You tormented and tortured me without stopping.
You told me I was nothing.
No one liked me.
I was an outcast and would always be.
Oh God, how am I supposed to deal with this?
Where are you?
I cannot take this any more.
I am way beyond my breaking point.
Is this your perfect will?
Does this bring glory to you?
All I know is that I hurt so very much.
It haunts me both day and night, 
  even when alone.
You are in my head.
You are ripping my mind to shreds.
You have torn my soul apart.
You have killed so much of who I am.
There isn't much of me left any more.
Oh God, where are you?
I cannot take this any more.
I give up, I give in.
I just want it to stop.
I just want it to end.
I can only see one way out.
As you say to me every day.
I should die.
I am nothing anyway.
You and everyone else hates me.
I HATE ME!!!
I want to die!
This is my last resort.
I will draw the lines into my wrists.
I will bleed out.
Will that make you happy?
Will that satisfy your hate for me?
I will leave now.
I'm never coming back.
I cut the lines deep into my wrists.
I fade to grey.
I fade to black.
I am no more.
Just as you wanted it.
Nothing to nothing.
Now just air in the wind.
Silence is all that remains.
It was the silence that killed me.
My silence, my fear killed me.
You killed me!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(23/12/2012)

SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

You know, it's killing me.
Someday it will be the death of me.
What I am.
All that I have done.
All that I have said.
It's not if but when.
I await my judgement.
I know I will be found guilty.
Because I am.
I have done evil.
I have lived in the dark places.
I have walked away from everyone
  and everything.
I am separated.
Living in seclusion.
I am not alive.
I am not dead.
I merely exist, and just barely at that.
So full of anger, hate, and rage.
I am violent.
I have been violent.
There is no solace for me.
I will never be satisfied.
There is nothing apart from this.
This is the sum of everything for me.
This is my heart of everything.
Cold, dark, and stark.
Reality doesn't exist for me.
Hope is foreign.
I dare not.
It always brings on the hurt and pain.
Pushing me further down.
Is there no end to it all for me?
Is this my condemnation?
Is  this my damnation?
I am afraid, I am suffering.
Brought on by my sorrow.
I feel I have doomed myself.
Imprisoned myself here forever.
Put in a cage just like a beast.
My hand and feet are shackled.
The door is closed, and so am I.
With my eyes open there is complete darkness.
With my eyes closed there is complete darkness.
Slowly I will wither.
Slowly I will rot.
Slowly I will decay.
Slowly I will turn to dust.
Into the nothingness I will go.
This is not what I want.
Do I have to accept this fate?
It is a fate worse than death.
Someone please remember me.
Someone please come for me.
Someone please, loose the shackles binding me.
Lift me up and carry me far away from here.
Into the light, into the life that I so sorely miss.
I don't want to die, I want to live!
Please let me live!
I'm on my knees, begging, pleading.
Please save me from myself.
Take it all away from me.
Lift my burdens up off of me.
I am just not strong enough, I admit.
Though guilty, please forgive me.
Wash me clean.
Make me whole again.
Please make me a new me.
I can be better than this.
Can I not?
I have the will.
I have the resolve.
I will not be broken again.
As long as you are with me.
Please keep your hand on me.
Be my mighty impregnable fortress and refuge.
I give you all that I am, 
  and all that comes with me.
All my sins, all my burdens, all my darkness.
These are all a part of me.
What I am, who I am.
I do not know what they are anyway.
Please, I need definition.
I need reason, I need purpose.
I need what for, I need why, I need how come.
Will you give all this to me.
I am waiting on you.
It's all I can do.
Please save me from myself.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(23/12/2012)

22/12/2012

BROKEN (I AM FREE!)

I can hear you coming, but I am finished 
  running.
I am not going to run any more.
It's time that I take a stand.
Here I am, come, bring it!
I am not afraid of you any more.
Can you hear me?
I will take you down.
I will bring you down.
I will break you.
I will crush you.
You have wounded me for the last time.
You have hurt me for the last time.
I will not let you any more.
I am my own, not yours.
You cannot reach me, you cannot get to
  me any more.
I spit at you.
I take a step back, turning around, I walk away.
You can scream at me all you want.
I'm not listening, I cannot hear you.
You are behind me.
Your grip on me is broken.
I'm not your toy any more.
I am heading onward and upward.
I will forget about you eventually.
It's time that I begin to live.
It's time for me to rise, to arise.
No more will I be held down.
I am imprisoned within me no more.
I am free!
Just you watch me soar away on wings of eagles.
I am free!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(22/12/2012)

THE NEVERMORE

I have x's for eyes.
My mouth is stitched shut like an open wound.
My hands and feet are shackled.
I've been thrown into a prison cell.
The key thrown away.
Left to rot and decay.
This is unbearable.
The acrid stench of death hangs on the air.
There is a complete absence of light.
I might as well be blind.
I am diseased, I am toxic, I am poison.
Left here for all eternity.
A living hell.
Wretched, tormented, and tortured.
I am in filth.
I am filth.
My flesh flakes and falls away.
I have given up on all hope.
I will remain here cowering 
  in the corner of my cell.
My only companions are the vermon
  that infest this pit.
The silence here is absolute and complete.
I am slowly losing hold of reality.
It doesn't exist here anyway.
I've lost hold of myself.
As I slip and sink deep within myself.
Here, I will turn to dust.
Back to where I came from.
I will be erased.
Never existed.
A mistake to be wiped away, forgotten.
I slip into oblivion.
No observance for me.
No burial for me.
My ashes will be cast onto the wind.
I will be carried away to the nevermore.
I am the nevermore.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(22/12/2012)

21/12/2012

WHEN YOU DON'T (I LOVE YOU)

I see you always.
I am with you always.
You are not alone.
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
I am right there with you.
I care about you more than you will ever know.
I love you so much that it hurts.
I cry when you cry.
I hurt when you hurt.
I am right there with you.
I am the one who is holding you.
I don't want you to be alone.
I don't want you to even feel alone.
Because you are not.
As long as I am with you, and I always am.
Don't be afraid.
I am with you as you walk through this world.
We will face everything together.
I promise, I will never forget or forsake you.
I am yours, you are mine.
We will always have each other, 
 and that's a blood oath.
Take my hand and we'll head into the fray 
  together.
I see you, I know you, I care and love you.
Even when you don't.
I will love you even when you don't.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(21/12/2012)

20/12/2012

AT GRANDMA'S HOUSE

I remember the days of my youth.
Those days spent jumping into the leaves
  at grandma's house.
Those days spent sliding down a snow and ice 
  covered hill.
Those carefree days.
They seem so few and far between now.
All the times I spent skating on the outdoor ice.
All the times dad and us went to
  the go-cart track.
'Round and 'round endlessly it seemed.
With the biggest smiles on our faces.
There were some times spent with my
  brother and sister.
At grandma's house again.
All those Christmases spent there.
I remember so fondly now.
They were so long ago.
Why did they ever end?
I miss those times.
Oh, to be a kid again!
Oh, to be free again!
Now just memories.
Like faded and weathered pictures in my head.
Hard to see and so few are left.
Those were the times of my life.
When I was young and alive.
Where did I go?
What happened to me?
Did life really have to get in the way?
Robbing me of my innocence.
I long to be that little boy again.
I want to close my eyes and wake up there again.
I want all that I have lived through
  just to be a bad dream.
I don't like the reality that I am in here.
I want a new one, I want to go back there.
At grandma's house.
With mum, dad, and my bro. and sis.
But I will still hold onto these scorched 
  memories.
They are all I have now.
They keep me sane.
They keep me lucid.
They keep me alive.
I will always remember all those times 
  at grandma's house.
I will always try to hold onto that little boy.
I can be whole and innocent again.
'Cause I believe it, I believe it!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(20/12/2012)

I WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU AGAIN

I can still see you. 
You're still running free in this world.
I can still hear you.
You just will not shut up.
I can still smell you.
You carry such a stench.
You better run I'm coming after you.
I know you are so afraid of me.
That's why you are always sucker punching me.
You are always talking about me 
  behind my back.
You're not fooling me at all.
I know you all too well.
I know your tricks.
You can only bend me, 
  but you will never break me.
You can put me down, but I'm not staying there.
I will be getting back up.
I will go to you.
I will come at you.
You're down for the count.
Better stay down, because I have more where
  that came from.
I'm not afraid of you.
I hate you.
I will always be there when you get to another
  like you.
The arrogant, the ignorant.
Oh stigma! I will be the death of you again!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(20/12/2012)

Removing The Stigma of Mental Illness - YouTube

Removing The Stigma of Mental Illness - YouTube
This cannot be talked about enough.

Mental Illness and the Newtown School Shooting - HealthyPlace

Mental Illness and the Newtown School Shooting - HealthyPlace

I WAS NEVER HERE

I feel so out of place here.
I feel so alone and afraid.
I don't belong here.
No one wants me here.
I don't want to be here.
Why am I here.
I didn't choose this place.
It feels like Hell to me.
Where I am constantly tortured and tormented.
There is nothing here for me.
Someone take me away from here.
I want so badly to get out of here.
Why does no one hear me?
Why does no one care?
Why does no one see?
Someone please, just make this end.
I can't take being the stranger all the time 
  any more.
I'm going to get out of here one way or the other.
I will take my own way out.
I won't even say good-bye.
Forget about me? forget about you!
I don't need this, I don't want this.
I want out.
If no one is going to listen then I'll stop talking.
If no one is going to care then neither will I.
This is my last resort I might as well take it.
No good-byes.
I am nothing, I will leave nothing.
I don't belong here anyway.
There is just nothing for me here so I will accept
  the nothing that is coming.
I'd carve my name in a tree but 
  I was never here in the first place.
So....

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(20/12/2012)

RELIGION IS DEAD

You'd choke me if you could.
Suffocate me if you could.
You wrap me up in your deceit.
Pushing your lies down my throat.
You are chains 'round me wrists.
You imprison me.
You are darkness.
You are cold.
I do not believe in you.
I hate you.
I want nothing to do with you.
Judge me if you want.
Curse me if you must.
You are not my authority.
You are my damnation for sure though.
I do not bow to you.
I do not revere you in the slightest.
I will not obey your commandments.
I will see you fall.
I will see you revealed for what you are.
You are Hell on Earth.
You are death come alive.
You are the grave that will swallow many
  who go willingly.
They cannot see through the veil blinding them
  to the reality you'd have them not see.
I can see through all that you try to put over me.
It's a crying shame that so many choose not to 
  see what is before them plain to see.
I am called the liar.
I am branded the heretic.
For only speaking the truth.
I knew I would be persecuted.
Nothing will make me step into line.
I will not be lead into the bottomless pit.
I look only to the One who defeated the grave.
I will only believe and follow Him.
One Master, one Father in Heaven.
Only one Way, only one Truth, only one Life.
You are not it!
You are death and destruction.
With all your piety.
With all your traditions.
With all your ceremonies and rites.
You pray to the dead.
I will only pray to the One who arose
  and is still reigning in Heaven.
Only to God is the honour and the glory.
Forever and ever, amen!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(20/12/2012)

19/12/2012

WE RISE, WE SOAR, WE SHINE!

This world may be grey, but all I see is the dark.
The cold, stone, dark.
It's numbing to the soul.
Fear is in control.
Hope is dead.
Our hearts have been ripped from our chests.
Leaving us empty within.
Just empty shells are we.
This is where we will end.
Turn around and begin again.
We do not have to accept any lie as truth, 
  and we won't.
Our hearts cannot be killed.
They will open up and begin to shine again.
Pulling us back, returning to within.
Now we begin to shine.
We ignite, we are ablaze.
We melt as life is restored.
No more dark, no more cold.
As the fire consumes our souls again.
Fear is dead.
Hope rises and lives again.
We rise!
We soar!
We shine!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(19/12/2012)

ONLY YOU

I see myself.
I cannot see You.
I am blind.
Yet I know You are here, here with me.
I cannot see You, but I can feel You.
It is the unseen that I see.
I want to see You in me.
I want to be less.
I want You to be more.
Penetrate me, consume me.
I want You here, here with me, in me.
As I see myself I want to see You.
Only You.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(19/2012)

ASHES TO THE WIND

Memories can bite.
Memories can cut.
You will open up.
You will bleed.
Fall down and break.
Take these memories.
Set a flame to them.
Let them burn.
Let them become scorched.
As ashes throw them into the wind.
Watch them disappear.
As your wounds become covered by a scar.
You will feel comfort.
You will feel the healing.
You will arise.
You will stand on your own again.
Let the wind blow through you.
On its' way to the morrow.
Carrying everything far away behind you.
Now you are free.
You are free to be you.
You are beautiful.
You can soar.
So soar...shine!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(19/12/2012)

18/12/2012

BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME

I never really dreamed of life without you.
You were always there.
In this life of mine.
You were such a presence.
Mostly a negative one.
You hurt me.
I hurt you.
You lay a hand on me.
I lay a hand on you.
You were me, I was you.
And I still am.
As I carry the memories.
Most I'd like to forget.
I'd rather remember the few.
Because they were good.
I now only see the good.
I wish I could have done that while you were 
  still here.
I wish I could have loved you instead 
  of hating you.
But that no longer matters.
It's long, long gone.
I only want to move on.
Because I am still alive, I have to live.
I am so afraid of living the same life you did.
But is that such a bad thing?
Your heart was always one of love.
I can only hope my heart is the same.
You just wanted to love me.
I never did let you.
As I began to hate myself.
And I know you just wanted love from me.
That I just could not do.
I couldn't even do that for myself.
You were me.
I was you.
Your presence is still felt.
You are a part of me.
I have come to love that.
As I try to learn to love myself again.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(18/12/2012)

HATE ME/HATE YOU

You will never see me.
You are in the way.
You call me on my sins.
You judge me.
You cut me down.
Can't you see yourself?
Can't you hear what you are saying?
I am feeling the hate.
I am feeling the anger.
What did I ever do to you?
You just do not seem to care.
You are hurting me.
You are damaging me.
And at the same time you're doing the same 
  to yourself.
I feel sorry for you.
You just do not know.
As you put me down.
You put yourself down.
Why do you hate yourself so much?
That you feel you have to hate me even more.
You are only hurting yourself.
It must hurt alot.
To treat yourself that way.
You can dump all on me if you want.
But you are still going to be the one
  who is buried.
You can spit your poison at me all you want.
But you will still be the one who becomes sick.
I cannot help you.
Only you can do that.
Just stop taking it all out on me.
Doing so won't make you feel any better.
It will just make you feel worse as it all 
  consumes you.
I would hate to be you right now, but I have my 
  own anger and hate to fight with.
Go your own way.
I will go my own.
Maybe someday we will meet again.
May we be all the better.
May we be able to love and forgive again.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(18/12/2012)

SAD

These are dark times.
So many are living in fear.
They are facing so much.
They are going through so much.
Their fear blinds them.
Holds them back.
How are they supposed to live their lives?
If they are not able to.
It's the dark that keeps them oppressed.
Leaving little room for hope.
Hopelessness is killing them.
Sooner or later they will break.
When they do they will fall and fall hard.
Breaking and crumbling into dust.
These are the forgotten.
The forsaken.
They are slipping away.
Down through the cracks cut by the dark.
They cry in silence.
Screaming inside of their minds.
No one is hearing.
Shame on you, it's such a shame.
The light has burned out in these dark times.
Where has love gone?
You have killed love.
You have stabbed hope.
Hope is dying.
Faith has become frozen.
Fear is alive and being fed.
The silence echoes on forever.
Pushing so many over the edge.
Over I have gone.
Those in visible silence have become invisible.
Killed by all that they fear.
You have blood on your hands.
It will not be washed away.
You can no longer pretend.
You can no longer turn a blind eye.
You have betrayed yourselves 
  with your arrogance.
Your arrogance has made you ignorant again.
You have gotten away with murder 
  for far too long.
You will be held accountable.
You are breathing in your own poison.
You are toxic and hazardous.
Judge and jury.
In a kangaroo court.
Not one should be imprisoned within themselves.
Out of sight, out of mind.
So you can feel better about you.
You are better off for it.
You are believing a lie.
You have now killed the truth.
We are drowning.
We are sinking.
We are going down.
Down into a sea of tears.
A sea of forgotten faces.
You live but you are dead.
We are the ones expected to love and forgive.
Something unknown and foreign.
Truely these are dark times as the light is 
  extinguished.
Sad.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(18/12/2012)

Borderline Personality Disorder - documentary - YouTube

Borderline Personality Disorder - documentary - YouTube

Removing The Stigma of Mental Illness - YouTube

Removing The Stigma of Mental Illness - YouTube
It saddens me and hurts me deeply, as one with mental illnesses, that I must still take a stance against the stigma surrounding mental illnesses. Oh, the arrogance, Oh, the ignorance!!!

17/12/2012

BABBLE

You call me lazy.
You call me stupid.
You call me a waste of time.
I say the only waste of time here is you.
I am so high above you.
I'm not going to let you pull me down.
I will rise, I will rise again.
Bent but never broken.
All you say is babble.
Your words just hurt my ears.
So please close your mouth.
Before you swallow yourself.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(17/12/2012)

WE NEED (JESUS)

We need to come together like never before.
Just hold each other.
Only as one will we heal as a whole.
Only as one can we be a light in these dark 
  times.
We must love not hate.
Anger just makes the wounds go deeper.
Hate just leads to suffering.
That's not what we need.
We need to turn our eyes towards the heavens.
We need to turn our eyes to Jesus.
Only He can heal our shattered hearts and lives.
We will hold each other and He will hold 
  all of us.
Together as one we need Jesus.
Let love reign over us again.
We may never understand any of this.
We may cry over all of this still.
But Jesus will always be there holding us.
The same hands that hold the whole world 
 will hold each and every one of us.
We will only heal as one and there is only One 
  who will heal us and make us whole again.
We need to see just how much 
  that we need Jesus.
We need Jesus.
We need Jesus.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(17/12/2012)

16/12/2012

I BELIEVE IN CAN!

Has love died?
Has truth been cast aside?
Is there still good in mankind?
Why only anger?
Why only hate?
We can rise above.
We can get up and carry on.
We shall rise.
We shall stand.
Death is the only mortal.
I believe in so much more than the sum 
  of everything.
The heart of the matter will push on.
We shall press on.
Press on!
I still believe.
I choose hope.
I will not let myself fall.
I am not perfect.
But I will keep on trying.
I will not give in to emotions and feelings.
They both lie.
I will not believe in a lie.
I do not have any answers for anything.
I have not the time to dwell on my weaknesses.
Onward!
Upward!
All together now.
Let the fires of revival burn.
Let love be our guide.
No matter what. 
Get up, rise up!
Pick up, carry on!
We can, we can, we can.
I believe in CAN!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(16/12/2012)

I DON'T KNOW WHY!

I don't know why!
I don't know why!
The world is imploding.
The sky is falling down on us.
I cannot understand.
There are no answers.
Not even a clue.
Evil is rising.
Love has died.
And man makes it worse.
Hate is growing.
Anger is growing.
I see a trend becoming clear.
We are all afraid.
Fear is growing.
No one understands.
No one can control anything.
All I know for sure is...
I don't know why!
I don't know why!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(16/12/2012)

HATE BREEDS HATE

All alone in my room crying.
I am bleeding on the inside.
I am bleeding on the outside.
I am so angry.
Why does this happen to me?
I don't deserve this.
Oh, how I hate you!
You are not supposed to hurt me.
I don't know why.
In my mind I just cannot comprehend.
It hurts!
It damages!
It rips and tears!
And pours fuel on the fire of rage.
Oh, how I hate you!
Oh, how I hate myself!
You leave me.
So near, yet so far away.
With only a single wall separating us.
To me, that is just not enough.
I can still hear you.
In my fragmented mind you are still hitting me.
I am crying, I am screaming.
You don't care.
You are so callous.
I am made to suffer for you.
You hate yourself.
You're afraid of yourself.
So I have to pay for it.
I hate because you hate.
I fear because you fear.
Leave me alone here.
Leave me to rot here.
Leave me to decay here.
As you do.
I cannot forget.
I cannot forgive.
I cannot love.
Me, me , me.
I hate myself!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(16/12/2012)

I KNOW PLENTY

I have never been in love.
But I have been hurt plenty.
My heart has been taken from off of my sleeve.
Ripped it from inside of me.
Leaving a gaping hole.
When I found my heart again.
It was shattered and little pieces.
I was left crying.
My tears just froze.
And wounded me.
I don't know why.
What did I do?
I was just left alone there to die.
Love is over-rated.
Oh, I hate it so.
My nemesis in life.
I care not for it.
I'm better off without it.
I don't want it.
I don't need it.
It is just a feeling.
That lies always.
Love is out to hurt any one and every one.
Love bites.
Love sucks.
I've never been in love.
But I know of it plenty.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(16/12/2012)

UNTITLED QUOTE

"Thank you to all who support and encourage me with coming here and reading my little poems, it means everything to me. I love you for it."
SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(16/12/2012)

15/12/2012

FEELINGS

Questions always come.
But the answers rarely do.
The questions just fall out of my mouth to the ground.
Leaving me with my wondering.
That I can feel turning into doubt.
I can no longer breathe, suffocating.
It's so hard for me to pray right now.
I struggle for the words to say.
I don't know, maybe it's just me.
But I can't help what I am feeling.
I know that my feelings are lying to me.
Still, I just cannot ignore them.
I'd kill them if I could.
Cut them out and do away with them.
Strike a match and set them ablaze.
But my feelings are staying with me.
They're not leaving any time soon.
I feel helpless.
Afraid to put up a fight.
But I do struggle with my feelings at least.
It just doesn't seem enough.
What am I supposed to do?
If I don't know how.
Where am I supposed to go?
If I have nowhere to go that I can see.
It hurts so very much.
How am I supposed to forgive being the way I am?
I just don't want to know any more.
I don't care.
I'd be rid of it if I could let go of anything.
I can feel the burning within myself.
I am being consumed.
I am being overcome.
My feelings are just so strong.
I am being torn apart.
I feel as though I am going through a shredder.
There isn't much of me left.
My mind has fragmented who I am.
Or who I was.
I hate this.
I don't want this.
But I feel as though I am left with no choice.
It's the questions that brought all this down upon me.
The doubt that is creeping inside of me.
I am so full of despair and hopelessness.
I have these questions.
I have no answers.
With me caught in the middle.
Feeling as I do.
I just want to forget it.
If only I could.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(15/12/2012)

Coping with Traumatic Events - YouTube

Coping with Traumatic Events - YouTube

Healing and Learning through Art and Music - YouTube

Healing and Learning through Art and Music - YouTube

WONDERING (HOPE PART 2)

I'm standing here wondering.
Wondering where I am going from here.
All I know is that it's unknown.
That scares me a lot.
Just like everybody I'm afraid of the unknown.
And I fear what I cannot control.
Which is just about everything.
What am I going to do now?
What is going on right now?
Will You take me and guide me 'long the way?
Will You carry me when I am just too weak 
  to carry on myself?
I know I need You all of the time.
The path You have stretched out before me is straight,
  but, long and narrow.
I feel so uneasy.
I just don't know.
But hope is still whispering to me.
"Don't give up now, give it one more try."
That's why I still keep on keeping on.
That little hope will keep me on.
I am holding on still.
I'm hanging in there still.
Hope won't let go of me.
Hope won't let me down.
As fear grips me.
Shaking, and trembling.
Here I go.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(15/12/2012)

ERASE

I don't want to wake up.
I am too afraid.
I don't want to move.
I cannot face myself today.
I cannot face you today.
Everything is a lie.
And I hate it all.
I hate myself.
I won't even give it a try.
I will erase the day.
I will erase the night.
I want to sleep.
I want to live dead.
Let everyone ignore me.
That suits me just fine.
Just you forget about me.
Now go away.
I will go away.
Neither far, neither near.
Watch me disappear.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(15/12/2012)

WE ARE

The world fell apart.
All was laid to ruin.
We all fell down.
We all came undone.
The tears they just stung.
Our hearts were bleeding.
We all felt the sickening feeling of soul ache.
Confusion became frustration.
Fear became anger.
Anger became hate.
But we will all come together like never before.
We will all hold each other.
These dark times will end.
Hope will rise out of the ashes.
We will heal.
We will live.
We will love.
For we are.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(15/12/2012)

(99) IT HURTS SO VERY MUCH

(99) IT HURTS SO VERY MUCH

14/12/2012

ALL TIME

I know how much that I need You.
I show it time after time.
As I fall face first down in the dirt.
But then You lift me back up again.
You put my feet on solid ground.
This is why that I need You all the time.
Left to myself I am always getting lost.
Still You come after me every time.
I am nothing without You.
You are always right here with me, holding me.
When I cry You wipe the tears away.
You always comfort me.
The only thing I know, the only thing I'm sure of
  in my life.
Is that You will always love me no matter what I do.
And will always remain at my side.
I can always hold on to You.
Knowing You will never let me down.
I will always go running to You.
For I know You are always there for me,
  here with me.
Always, all the time, for all time.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(14/12/2012)

SELF-MADE POISON

I inject the poison that I made myself.
I watch as it starts its' course within me.
It devours me slowly, painfully.
I am the one who has opened wide.
And have swallowed myself whole.
I cut myself open.
To bleed myself.
But I am as dry as a desert.
Not even my own tears can quench me.
I convulse, I tremble.
I am afraid.
I don't want to be this way, but I am.
I cannot even see myself.
I am breaking.
I am crumbling.
I am coming apart.
I am coming all undone.
I am toxic.
I am hazardous.
I made myself this way.
I have only myself to blame.
I am imprisoned in a prison of my own making.
I am quarantined.
I have cut myself off.
I have separated.
I will let this disease run its' course.
I will let it consume me.
I do not care.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(14/12/2012)


WATCH AND CRY

I watch and I cry.
I just do not know why.
All the evil that man does.
We move from the grey right into the black.
There will not be understanding.
Nothing that tears can wash away.
The pain will tear a hole in us all.
There is no comprehension.
Our feeble minds just cannot fathom.
We only know what we see.
We do not realize that fact has become fiction.
What we see as truth is a lie.
And all our hearts will bleed.
As what has been built falls and crumbles into dust.
There is nothing that we can hold on to.
We are all on our own.
We have made it that way.
We have forsaken ourselves.
Our mouths have become open graves.
I watch and I cry.
I just do not know why.
My God, my God, what have I done?
What have I done?

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(14?12/2012)

THE DARKNESS IN THIS WORLD

The devil is roaming.
Like a roaring lion.
You he wants to deceive.
You he wants to devour.
A wolf in sheep's clothing.
His intentions are hidden.
He comes for you in the night.
He is masked.
He is cloaked in innocence.
Don't you believe him!
Resist, resist, resist!
He will flee.
With tail tucked underneath.
Listen to him shriek like the Hyena.
But don't be fooled.
He will be back.
Free to roam where he may.
He is searching for those to destroy.
And destroy he will.
Be wary, be vigilant.
Listen, watch.
He is a snake in the grass.
He is stealth.
But you need not fear.
If grace covers you.
For then he is defeated.
He is the dirt 'neath the dirt 'neath your feet.
But do not let your guard down.
He will still seek you.
His bloodlust is unquenchable.
His time is drawing near.
This means war!
Stand and hold your ground.
Draw the line he cannot cross.
Stare him eye to eye.
He does not know.
He is already defeated!
He is death.
Death is the only mortal.
He is the grave that will swallow himself whole 
  and close forever.
There was a surrender that sealed this victory!
He cannot stand.
His arrogance is his ignorance.
We will see him burn, he will burn!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(14/12/2012)


ENDLESS WANDERING (ENDLESS WONDERING)

I have been wandering for my whole life.
Seeking for what I was lacking.
Never finding.
Always wandering.
Always wondering.
Have I missed something along the way?
Have I lost myself somewhere along the way?
What is it that I am looking for exactly?
I have come to realize that I know not.
Seemingly I wander aimlessly.
Walking around in circles.
Growing more hazy every day.
I feel I am going to loose my mind.
I still haven't found what I am looking for.
Inside I quietly cry.
The tears burn a hole deep within me.
Corrosive and caustic.
I grow weary with the passing of each day.
The night is my only chance to hide.
My only chance to escape.
My only chance to rest it seems.
Where am I going?
What am I doing?
Where have I been?
Where am I today?
I don't even know who I am.
Oh God, what is going on with me?
Oh God, what is happening to me?
Just what am I going through?
Where have you gone?
You seem so far away from me.
I seem so far away from me.
I feel I have forgotten something.
Just what is it?
Why cannot I find it?
All my life so elusive.
As I wandered along.
As I wondered all the while.
As so it is.
I go along my way.
Never finding what I am looking for.
Never finding my way.
Never finding me.
Never finding you.
I am damned it seems to wander on aimlessly 
  forever.
Just what is it that I am looking for.
All I know is there is a peace that I am missing.
And so I sojourn on endlessly.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(14/12/2012)