I was arrogant.
I thought I knew it all.
I thought I had it all figured out.
My life was in my own hands.
I lived on my own terms.
It's no wonder I never went
Just like a ship frozen in the ice.
Being crushed by all the pressure.
I was so ignorant.
The truth I knew was a lie.
All I thought I knew caved in on me.
Like the Twin Towers.
I was buried.
All the debris pinned me down.
I cried out, "Why God, why?"
I do not understand.
I cannot even begin to fathom
   all this.
The sky is coming down on me hard.
Just like a mighty rain storm.
There is no shelter that I can find.
I am out in the wide open.
I am pummelled relentlessly.
I drown in the storm surge.
This was just a dream.
A nightmare, if you will.
But at the same time all too vivid.
All too real.
All too familiar.
I cry out, "God please,
   please save me,
save me from myself."




It's time to go.
I just want to leave.
Just to get away from here.
I do not like it here.
All is dark.
Shadows lurk.
Beads of sweat form on my brow.
Tears flow from my eyes.
With clenched fists.
And squinted eyes.
I drop to my knees.
Somebody stop the world please,
   I just want to get off.
I want out of here.
I cannot stay here any more.
I do not want to stay.
This is no place for me.
I would tear it all down.
Set the flame to everything.
And watch it raze to the ground.
Spitting on it too.
I curse this place.
It is a miserable existence.
A living hell.
I do not belong here.
I am so afraid.
There's danger at every turn.
Evil and the wicked ones await.
I can hear their howls off
    into the distance.
They are on the prowl.
This I know, all too well.
These demons always hunt
   me down.
A pack of rabid wolves
   are they.
Always ravenous.
They can sense fear a mile away.
That's what draws them near.
That's what they hunger for.
What they lust after.
Stopping at nothing.
Taking no prisoners.
Nothing is left to waste.
I want to escape.
But I don't know how.
And I am afraid to even try.
Call me what you will.
This place will devour all.
All who are unfortunate enough
   to find themselves lost here.
And the fear just makes them
   stronger, bolder.
They cannot be held back.
There is nowhere to hide.
Very little hope for escape.
The darkness covers the way.
This place is a living, awakened
I cannot take it any more.
Whatever it takes.
I'm going to be rid of here.
And gladly at that.
This is what  drives me.
This is what keeps me sound.
Surrounded by insanity and chaos.
One's own lucidity is hard to keep.
The mind is the first to go.
The first that is taken.
After that it's all over.
You are gone.
As if you never existed.
I will rise.
I will press forward.
I will carry on.
I will overcome.
This is my will.
My strongest passion and desire.
I will pressure the gates.
I will tear down the walls.
With my bare hands if need be.
My one and only prayer is this:
That I escape from here.
That I will taste of sweet freedom.
Even if it takes me to my dying




Inside my head silence screams.
Almost driving me mad.
It would have had I not
   already been there.
Silence is deafening.
It withers the heart, soul,
   and the mind.
It is an acid eating away
   at the mind.
It devours all, leaving
   no trace behind.
Silence, the disease.
Silence, the poison.
Silence, caustic.
Silence, suffering.
Suffering in silence, suffering
   in visible silence.
Silence, the true killer.




We are the castaways.
The unwanted.
Shipped from one door
   to the other.
Never knowing where we were going.
Belonging nowhere.
Just children of a broken system.
Never understanding
   what was going on.
Always with the question of "why".
Look into our hollow eyes.
Hear our silent cries.
Maybe someday will come.
Maybe one day we will find a place
   to call home.
Where we will finally know love.
But that is just a far off dream.
No use in keeping any hope up.
We are the lost and forgotten.




If something is wrong, what will you do?
If someone lies, what will you say?
The truth we hear nowadays is veiled in 
Can you see it?
Can you hear it?
You know what is right, but will you do it?
In a world grown silent, will you be a voice?
Even if you are mocked and ridiculed?
There was once a Man who did just that,
   He was a lone voice in a desert world.
Not only was He mocked and ridiculed,
   He was nailed to a tree and crucified.
Would you give your life for what He preached?
His message was simple; love God, love others.
For that He was murdered.
He took what we all deserve.
Will you ever stand tall and shout, 
   "I am not ashamed!"
Then speaking of what He spoke of.
You will surely face the same mocking 
   and ridicule that He did.
Do you have the courage to speak?
Even in the face of death.
Will you runaway as His disciples did?
Will you boldly stand firm?
They are all deceivers, and you know it!
Will you be the lone voice of reason and truth?
Jesus came to destroy religion.
He came to save the sinner not the righteous.
They deny it.
They preach murder, mayhem, and anarchy.
As a way into Heaven.
Even though there is only One who can take
   you there.
He said He was the Way, the Truth, 
   and the Life.
Do you believe it?
Deep down in your very heart.
Do you believe it?
Or will you deny all and just walk away?
Your silence will surely mean death.
Your silence will surely bring atrocities
We all need to unite.
We all need to scream, "Hey! That's not right!"
Then push it back to where it came from.
Hell does not belong on Earth.
And evil does not have the right to make the
   false real.
And yet, that's just what is going on.
Billions have been deceived.
I can hear God's own heart break.
Can you?
Come, lets stand together.
As imitators, being all like-minded in One.
There is no truth in this world.
There is no love in this world.
We have to be the ones, be the ones to show it.
That real truth and real love are there 
   just for the accepting.
The cost has been paid in full.
No payment on delivery.
It is done.
But so many don't know it.
The little men pretending to be gods try 
   to cover what can be seen.
Knowing full well it will pass away.
Forgetting the unseen is eternal.
What are we going to do now?



There has been only one love I have known.
There has only been One who ever loved me.
Even with all my flaws and brokenness.
I felt His love all the stronger.
He was there to pick me up when I had fallen.
No one ever cared that much.
I pushed them away and they let me.
Not Jesus, He has always remained 
   loyal and true.
Always faithful.
He never left me alone as I cried.
He never left me alone even when I yelled to do.
No matter how hard I fought.
He remained.
No anger, no hate, no judgement, only love.
I could see it in His eyes.
Burning like a flame that reached out to me.
His Spirit was so calming, so soothing.
He was always able to put my beast to rest.
He always said to me, "Brother, I love you."
That always made all the difference in me.
Just a lonely, lost soul was I.
He came to me, right where I was.
He sat with me, as I sat alone in the dark
   of my room.
He caught all the tears that I shed.
He did not care what I had done.
He did not care where I had been.
All the evil and wickedness I had said 
   and done.
All of the same I had seen.
The shame I was feeling.
All the anger, self-destructiveness,
   and the self loathing.
Jesus reached right into my heart and 
   took it all away.
He gave me back my innocence.
He restored me.
He redeemed me.
He justified me.
My Lord, my Saviour.
It was His grace alone that saved me.
And throughout all of my years.
Even when I did not see Him.
It was His unfailing love that kept me
   safe and sound.
Even when I was coming all undone.
And when everything was falling down
   on me.
He was the one who came and rescued me.
He was, He is, He will always be my first love.
Jesus, my one and only love.
Emmanuel, God with us.
My first love to this very day and beyond.
I cannot love without His love.
I can love now because He first loved me.




The dark is cold and foreboding.
I can feel eyes watching me.
The chill is bone numbing.
I can feel fear's dank breath upon the back 
   of my neck.
I can feel him take hold.
As I try to find a way out of here.
But can see none.
Seemingly there is a total absence of light.
I feel as though I am spinning 
   around and around.
Making me sick to my stomach.
I can hear laughter from all around.
But I cannot see where it comes from.
I am barely holding together.
I can feel the pressure on the hinges.
I can feel the seams unravelling.
As my heartstrings begin snapping.
I am coming apart.
I am being pulled down.
I fight for control.
I can barely keep my head above the water.
I am growing weary.
I ache.
Heartache and soulache.
I am fading away.
From grey into the black.
But, I am not ready to die.
No, not yet!
I still have hope to hold onto.
I am never letting go.
Hope is rising.
Just when I thought I was down and out.
And love has come right on time.
I will rise above all this.
With renewed strength.
And revived courage.
Love has cast all the fear away.
My heart and soul are breathing once again.
The dark has no more hold over me.
I am mindful of the eyes still watching me.
I may be free, but I am not clear.
Fear still stalks me.
I cannot let my guard down, not for one second.
I depend on love to guard my fragile heart.
I will hold onto hope even tighter now.
Faith is all I have now.
Faith is all I need now.
Greater is He who is in me
   than he who is in the world.
I will persevere.
I will believe.
No matter what.
Come what may, come what might.
I will not dismay.
I will not despair.
I will fear no evil.
I will resist! I will resist! I will resist!




I am a child of the nameless generation.
My life was of no importance
Forgotten, forsaken.
A darkness hovered over me.
A black fog surrounded me.
I tried to make it through on my own.
But I continually failed.
In a lost generation I am lost.
And I cannot find my way back.
The little hope I have in my heart 
   keeps me going though.
The lamp that illuminates the path before me.
I will try to keep going even when I am
   at my worst.
When weariness overcomes me.
Hope is all I know.
All I have ever known.
I may not understand nor can I fathom
   this journey I am on.
But this hope always whispers, "Don't give up
   now, give it one more try."
And so this my life.
A series of "giving it one more try".
This unknown generation may not know me.
But still, that little hope keeps me going 
   a long, long way.




My body is sick.
My mind as well.
A war rages inside of me.
To see who will make it out alive.
I have been broken.
I have been beat.
I bear my wounds and my scars.
I am a veteran of many a life war.
I have survived just barely every time.
My heart and soul are blackened.
Crimson tears stain my cheeks.
People look at me but do not see me.
They look away from the reality before them.
My reality.
I stopped caring a long time ago.
Their arrogance makes them ignorant.
I just want to be recognized for who I am,
   not what I am.
I am not what I am perceived to be.
Not only do I fight with myself.
I have to fight every one else.
But I lay down my arms.
I cannot keep on like this any more.
Too much has been taken and lost.
Too much is at stake.
For me.
Who I was and what I was can keep
   fighting it out.
I am no longer here.
So world, are you ready for me?
I will shed my skin.
I will renew.
I will revive.
My body and mind are still sick.
Life wars still ravage my heart and soul.
And even if no one stands with me.
I will continue on as I always have.
Look down at me if you want.
You are just a squashed bug on a windshield,
   quickly smeared away.
I have no time for the likes of you.
I have no time to maintain these regrets.
My whole life lays before me.
Many more life wars will have to waged.
I can only live as I know how.
Naysayers need not say.




Words constantly were thrown and hit me hard.
I was knocked down and was not allowed  to
   get back up.
Their anger seared through my flesh.
The fear was suffocating.
I was ignored, forgotten and forsaken.
I was all alone.
What is a friend? I often wondered.
One not allowed for me.
I did not understand.
Do I pose a threat?
Am I that ugly for them to hate me so?
Just what is it?
Tell me and I'll change, I promise!
But all was to no avail.
Any effort on my part to reconcile was thrown
   right back at me.
Then I was spat upon.
More words were thrown at me like stones.
They hit, they crushed, they maimed, I bled.
I bore many weeping wounds.
I must be a disease.
I must smell of rot and decay.
What am I?
Who am I?
Why am I?
My face had permanent lines 
   carved into my flesh.
My tears were acid.
Their words, caustic.
I could not defend against so many.
I was a lost child.
A cast off.
A cast away.
Drowning in my own sea of tears.
With no hope for rescue.
I was heavy in the water.
I could not hold myself up.
I was just too weak, too tired.
What was all this for?
What sin am I guilty of?
I feel crucified.
Left to hang, to die in humiliation.
Still, I want to live.
If I could just get through this, 
   I could get through anything.
But far fetched dreams were they.
A figment of my imagination.
Seemingly impossible.
So it was for me.
I still bear many a scar.
Not all was healed.
I still feel some harms.
They may never go away.
But I am stronger now.
It is just me that I have to fight now.
I don't know what is worse.
But, this time I have hope.
I have faith.
I am no longer alone.
I never was.
I just could not see it.
I still have footprints covering my back.
I remember everything all too well.
I am trying to let it all go.
But the fear is still there.
I can still feel all the hurt and all the pain.
Maybe I always will.
Now I can stand.
I am holding on for all I am worth.
It may not be much, but it is something.
And that is everything...to me.



I have walked alone.
I walk alone.
Down a straight but narrow path.
Down a crooked and broken path.
I have lost my way.
I have disappeared without a trace.
Even leaving myself behind.
I have been empty.
I am empty.
I hunger, I thirst.
I am still looking for what I have not found yet.
Whatever that may be.
I have been here before.
I will be here again, as if I never left.
Truth is a lie, and I believe.
Fact is fiction, to me it's reality.
I have lost myself.
I am lost.
I have cried.
I am crying.
I have questioned.
I am awaiting a reply.
Where do I go from here?




So very young.
So very innocent.
With hopes and dreams.
With not a care to be had.
Then there are those who would take 
   advantage of their innocence.
There are those who would prey on those
   little ones.
God, can You tell me why?
Their lives had barely begun.
Only to have it snuffed out in an instant.
Brutal and harsh is the world.
But this goes way beyond that.
To have such young lives taken so early.
Without reason.
Without understanding.
Who cries for the little ones?
Who watches over them?
Where did they go?
Who's to blame for these evil deeds?
Oh, the evil that men do.
So horrifying.
So horrendous.
Many more lives die with them too.
The ones left behind.
The ones who loved them.
I cry for the little innocent child.
So young, so fragile.
The perfect prey for the fearful predator.
And where's the justice for the innocent?
Who will fight for the weak?
Who will stand and scream, "Enough
   is enough?"
God please send Your angels 
   to watch over these little innocent ones.
And I pray that they make it to Heaven okay.
For the children all belong to You.
No more suffering.
No more pain.
Of little solace now.
They are still no longer here.
A hole is left in the heart where they used to be.
A wound that will never heal.
A wound that will continue to bleed.
God please, I do not understand.
Where were your angels during those times?
Did You turn away as they were tortured?
Why did You do nothing?
Where's the meaning in all of this?
How is Your will being done?
Oh God, please save the young, little, 
   innocent ones.
They do not deserve to die in such a horrible
It's all the innocent ones that die too young.
God please comfort those left behind.
And I pray for those evil men that would
   do these evil deeds.
Please Lord, this must end.
If not You, then who will protect the helpless?
Who will watch over them then?
Please God, hold them in Your mighty hands.
Not one more tear should be shed.
The little children were meant  to laugh
    and play.
And play they will, free!




There were fields where I used to run and play.
So many trees that I climbed.
The frozen lakes and ponds where I was a
   hockey hero.
All those times in front of the TV, sitting in the
   lap of my dad.
So many hockey games that we watched.
He used to laugh and smile when I played
   making all the sound effects myself.
There were the friends that came and went.
The times we shared together.
We were indestructible.
Oh how many times we tried.
We played hard.
We wore out shoes and the knees of so many
   pairs of pants.
Which mom had to sew back together 
   or buy new ones.
She used to complain.
I never listened.
I was free as a bird.
I was bigger than a bear.
Stronger too.
Not one care in the world.
The world didn't exist for me then.
Just that I got to run and be me.
I didn't like school.
I kept watch on the clock till the ringing
   of the final bell.
When hundreds of kids were set loose.
Me included.
No plans, I just did whatever I did.
I never paid much attention to yesterday.
Even less to tomorrow.
I didn't know tomorrow existed then.
Those are days long gone by.
Left all wrapped up in a place deep in my mind.
Where I try to go from time to time.
These days it's getting harder to find.
My mind is cloaked in darkness.
I'm afraid to go there.
Yesterday is now a place I remember 
   all too well.
All the good times erased.
Replaced with hurt and pain.
My mind fragmented by so many harms.
Still, a ray of light or two breaks through.
And I go back to days of then.
Where there were dragons to be slain.
Races to be run.
Damage to many a bike to be done.
That makes me smile.
In between many a blank stare.
Or a deep, dark frown.
The joy's been replaced by fear, anger and hate.
My innocence from those long ago times is
   in tatters.
I fight back tears every day, every night.
I just want to be free again.
I just want to smile and laugh again.
Whatever happened to me.
How did I lose myself somewhere along the way?
It matters not.
Life is what it is.
I took the paths that I chose.
The decisions were made by me.
But with a broken mind I never could 
   get it right.
I'm so confused, so frustrated.
So much I don't understand.
So much that I cannot control.
I want to go back to days of then.
To spread my wings and soar so high again.
I still have hope though.
I still believe that little boy still exists.
He is quite alive.
I will learn to laugh again.
I will learn to live again.
I will learn to love and forgive again.
To have a heart of a indestructible child.
To have the faith of an innocent boy.
I will hold onto that hope.
Because it comforts me.




I can hear your voice, cold and harsh.
You're in my mind.
You have a tight grasp upon me.
I can feel your talons dig deeper into my flesh.
I fight to keep control.
But, more and more it grows more difficult.
Lucid moments grow farther apart.
I can feel my heart and soul cracking.
The pressure is growing immense.
You have me on my knees.
You push my face into the mud and mire.
You squeeze slow.
You squeeze tight.
I cannot breathe.
I have to fight for every last breath.
Tears flow freely.
But, through those tears I can still see 
   a dim light.
And the little fight left in me grows in ferocity.
I will stand.
I will break you.
I will burn you off me.
As long as I am still alive I will resist you.
You have no hold on me.
You hold nothing over me.
I expel you from my mind.
I take back what's mine.
Lucidity slowly returns to me.
I will silence you.
You just stand there, laughing.
I will smack that smile right off 
   your contorted face.
This is my life.
This is my mind.
You cannot have me.
You cannot ever have me.
Although sometimes vague and shrouded
   in darkness.
There is always a strength deep within me.
I will always fight back against your 
   attempted hostile takeovers.
I am me and I mean to stay me.
You are moot!




I can see the world falling apart.
Being torn apart at its' seams.
Everything is imploding.
Everything is exploding.
A darkness covers the Earth like a black fog.
The world as we know it is ending.
But still we fight.
We stand and take it back.
Not one inch will be surrendered.
And love will reign supreme.
The light will swallow the darkness.
And evil will flee.
This is our time to resist.
The enemy does not stand a chance in hell.
Let our voices ring out.
We must come together.
United, in unison.
All together now.
Let holiness be our call.
Turn our eyes to what is unseen.
For the unseen is eternal.
What is seen will pass away.
It will devour itself.
Raise our hands to the heavens.
Let love reign forever.
Forever begins now!



Where are You?
Have I wandered too far away this time?
I need You now.
I am lost without You.
Just an empty man in an empty world.
I need Your love.
Without it I have no hope.
I have been here too many times.
How many times will I say I'm sorry
   before I learn my lesson.
I am but a lowly fool.
Prone to great foolishness.
Not the greatness You would have for me.
That frightens me.
I am just a broken down, poor excuse
   for a man.
A speck in an infinite universe.
Still You love me.
You take me back every time.
I have to break down and cry.
Not because I feel sorry for myself.
But, because I fail You time after time.
It must feel like the nails being driven into
   You again.
It must feel like the crown of thorns shoved 
   onto Your brow.
It must feel like the betrayal of a close friend.
Or the denial of another friend.
I don't mean to, I never mean to, but I still do.
I detest who I am and how I can be.
I feel so far away from me.
Even farther away from You.
Still You remain faithful.
And You will even to the end.
I trust in You, it's me I don't trust.
I betray myself, I betray You.
And what hurts the most, is that I know it.
It all weighs so heavy on me.
And I can no longer go on. 
Not like this.
I am just not strong enough.
Nor am I brave enough.
You are my Lord, You are my Saviour,
   You are my Best Friend.
And I need You.
I need You more than life itself.
I can't deny that.
Please take me back.
I just want to come back home to You.
It's so cold where I am.
Bring me back to You.
Bring me back to life.
Let Your love reign over me.
Please don't let me go.
I'm trying to hold onto You.
It's taking all I've got.
I am no one apart from You.
Nothing, even less than a speck.
You make me who I am.
You make me me.
You make me a better me.
That's what You do.
That's who You are.
You are love defined.
You are love exalted.
Yours is an unfailing love.
And I do not want to lose You.
For that will be when I lose myself too.
I won't be able to bring myself back.
I am holding onto You.
It is all that I can do.
It is all that I know.
You, I need You.
You, I need Your love.
Will You carry me through this night?
Will You be my light?
Turn my gaze to You.
Let all others fall away.
Till there is only You.




I try to run from you.
To get away from you.
I try to hide myself.
And yet, you always find me out.
Wherever I go you're there as well.
Always right behind me.
I can always feel you breathing down my neck.
There is no escape from you.
You know my every move.
You are able to guess my next move even
   before I make it.
You know me so well.
You are me.
I am you.
That is why you are always able to get inside my 
How you are able to get right to the very core 
   of who I am.
You are trying to destroy me.
You are trying to kill me.
You want my blood shed at my own hands.
You will never stop till your means has reached 
   an end.
Why do you hate me so much?
Why have you caused me so much harm?
If I die you die too.
Is that what you want?
Just to be rid of me you are willing to make 
   the sacrifice.
But,  I will not let you.
I know you just as well as you know me.
You forgot that didn't you?
Go ahead and bend me but you will never break
I am stronger than you think.
I am in control.
I make the choices and the decisions.
I know what is better for me than you do.
You may always be with me.
You may always be able to get to me.
I will never be rid of you, but at the same time,
   you will never be rid of me.
I am at war with myself.
I bitter battle till the end.
But, I know who I really am.
And I am not afraid of myself.
Wherever I go I will always expect you 
   to be there as well.
Remember this: I am not ready to die.
Not just yet, not ever!
So, here we both are.
Both stubbornly holding our ground.
Neither is willing to back away 
   or back down.
This is my life.
This is your life.
Entrenched, fighting in a stalemate.



I see you there hiding in your room.
I see the tears that fall and absorb into your 
I see the tear stains there.
Your tears are my tears as well.
My heart breaks when your heart breaks.
I know you.
I see you.
I feel you.
I am here with you.
I am holding you.
I am loving you.
Close your eyes, then you'll see me.
Turn your red eyes to me.
Let me wipe the tears.
Let me dry your eyes.
Give me all your hurt and pain.
I can heal all your harms.
Give me all your burdens.
I can take them all away.
I can pick you up and carry you too.
I am one who loves you dearly.
I am one who cherishes you.
May be that I am the only one.
But, I am also the only one you really need.
Here, take my hand, see the scar there 
   in my wrist.
I too, have suffered greatly.
You can trust me.
I will give you hope to live again.
Come to me child, my arms are always open
   for you.
I will hold you tight, I will never let you go.
Hold onto me, I will never let you down.
You can believe in me.
I will always be there.
Always there, there with you.
You can always call on me,
   I am never far.
Remember, I am always there, there with you.
Holding you, comforting you, loving you
   as only I can.
Look for me, I am right there beside you.
Dear child, do not cry, I love you always.
You are loved.
You are never alone.
You are never forgotten or forsaken.
I alone truly understand.
I am within your heart.
My heart is yours to keep, for now and always.
Just lean on me.
I will hold you up.
I will never, ever let you fall.
Look for me.
Look to me.
Child, my child, I love you more than all
   Heaven and Earth.
I will move all Heaven and Earth 
   just for you.
I am there.
I see you.
I feel you.
I know you.
I love you.
I love you.




I stand amongst the ruins that was my life.
I look around only to see a world 
   that is burning.
I see a scorched and bleeding sky,
   fallen and lying on the ground.
I cannot help it, but to fall to bloodied knees.
With a dirty tear stained face held in 
   broken hands.
That I used to use to pray.
As I take a lung full of acrid smoke.
I fall down choking, staring up at what
   used to be the sky above me.
"NO! NOT THIS!" I cry out.
God where are You?
We need You more than ever!
Jesus please, don't leave us like this.
This time I stand, I stand tall.
I still believe.
"I STILL BELIEVE!" is my cry, 
   my battle cry.
With God all things are possible.
He brought me to it, it will bring me through it.
Because...I still believe!
My Lord, my King, my Saviour!
You are my reason to believe.
Oh my God...my only reason to believe.
For greater is He that is in me!
Than he who is in the world!
So I shall fight.
I will take back my life.
I will surrender it to my Messiah.
Then you will hear me yell, "VICTORY!"
Not just the battle, but the war.
On my knees now.
My head in my hands again.
The hands I use to pray.
Thank God...THE WAR IS OVER!



What you look for cannot always be found.
Nor is it always known.
Still you search.
On and on in vain.
Letting your life go on without you.
Then one day you realize that you are all alone.
And you wonder where it all went.
Somehow it all passed you by.
It all was right in front of you the whole time.
But you were blind to it all.
You had your eyes fixed on foolish things.
Now you are filled with sorrow.
Feeling sorry for yourself.
But you still have a chance.
To live the life you were meant to.
You are still alive.
So, go live it!




Where there is hope, there is life.
Hope grows, hope rises, hope soars.
When you are down it's hope that whispers,
   "Give it one more try."
Hope is the air that will lift your wings.
Hope is what takes you up far above 
   all of the heavens.
Higher than even the angels can go.
Hope will also keep you grounded.
Hope will take you wherever you need to go.
Hope is the oxygen you need to breathe.
Hope sustains you.
Hope quenches all thirst.
Hope catches each tear that falls.
Hope gives you the will to carry on.
Hope believes in you even when you do not.
Hope brings comfort to any pain.
Hope brings healing to all harms and hurt.
Hope gives you the strength to press forward,
   on and on.
Hope is all we have.
We would be lost without it.
Out in the middle of a barren desert plain.
Hope is the candle burning in the window.
That guides us back home.
Hope never gives up.
Hope always believes.
Hope is in the faith that is in love.
Love is the greatest, but hope gets us there.
You can hold onto hope.
Hope will never let you down.



There is a thing that I think.
There is a thing that I feel.
There is a thing I believe.
There is a thing I do not know.
Taking me away from me.
Throwing me to the angry waves.
I swallow water and sink.
As the dark swallows me.
I sink deeper.
I become blind.
I become deaf.
No more feeling.
Just the dark surrounding, consuming.
I am sinking in the dark of the depths
   of my own tears.
I am frozen.
I am trapped.
I cannot scream.
I cannot even cry.
There is a thing....elusive, vague.



Hide if you will.
Wait for the darkness to go away.
But, it never will.
Do not pretend.
Do not be presumptuous.
Apathy kills.
You just don't realize you are clothed in filth.
You are infected.
Puss pours from your broken flesh.
This is your own sin.
What will you do?
Turn a blind eye?
Or look and see.
That only He can make you clean.
But you have to reveal yourself.
Accept what you are.
A sinner with a dangerous sin nature.
Admit it, throw it off.
He is the last  Sin Eater.
You are nothing.
You have not love.
You just make noise.
You just babble on.
Thinking you are righteous.
Oh, the piety!
Oh, pitiful one!
Your tower to self will crumble 
   and fall into dust.
Do not believe in vain.
There is no glory for you.
You deceive yourself.
You believe all your lies to be truth.
You will devour yourself.
Oh, pleasant to men!
Locked away in your sanctuary of rose coloured
   stained glass.
Your light is artificial.
Your righteousness, rags.
You're broken and don't even know it.
You call yourself good.
You call yourself god.
Your fall is coming.
You will drown in your own 
   burning pool of blood.
Judgement will be yours.
Oh, Lucifer, son of the morning,
   angel of light.
Leader of all, leader of none.
With no love, all are nothing.
So you will receive emptiness.
This is what you are bringing on yourself.
No one else will be there to blame.
You will have all this willingly.
I doubt you will be glad though.
Do not tell.
You are inside out.
With an imminent implosion.
Do you really think this will just go away?
As long as you feel good.
You are deceived.




I am a monster.
You did this to me.
You took the innocence from me.
And I hate you for that.
I want you dead.
I want to see you hanging from the rafters.
I want to see your blood pooling on the floor.
What am I supposed to do now?
You took my life away.
And the life I am left with is dead.
I walk my crooked path alone.
With anger and rage in my stone cold heart.
Hate is consuming me.
Despair is my friend.
Loneliness a favourite companion.
The only place I find solace.
Then I remember.
Screaming so loud my lungs tore apart.
Along with them I tear out my heart.
It's of no use to me any more.
Now I live to hunt you down.
With frozen blood in my veins.
Nothing will keep me from my appointed journey.
This is my hell.
You put me here.
You are my very own demon.
As you tore me, I will tear you.
I'd rip out your heart if you had one.
I'd take your soul, but you have none.
Better keep looking back over your shoulder.
You never know, I might just be there.
Somewhere, lurking, somewhere out there.
I am someone for you to fear.
I will put you down.
You will drown in a burning lake of fire.
The water your own blood.
I laugh, Oh, I will laugh.
After what you did to me.
A monster, all I'll ever be.
A monster worse than you.
I will make hell your very own prison cell.
You will hear my cries and my screams
   for all of eternity.
And I will watch with a smile on my face.
You made me this monster.
But look who I have devoured!




The breeze comes and goes.
No one knows where from.
No one knows where to.
It comes as it likes and leaves just the same.
The sun sets.
The sun rises.
Yet, it never moves.
The jealous moon shines with a light not its' own.
The stars dot the night sky.
But they are light years away, untouchable.
The clouds move through the skies 
   with imagined shapes.
All flowers, trees, bushes, grass and weeds grow
   deceivingly unseen.
The birds fly on invisible air.
The universe partially exists in visible sight,
   ever expanding, unseen.
The planets inhabiting said universe all move
   as they will.
The Earth turns, taken for granted.
Life continues, 'round and 'round.
With the ever passing moment ever passing.
Time creeps on with no one paying it
   any attention.
Leaving us wondering where all that time went.
Oh how we miss those years long gone by.
Never paying any heed while they were with us.
Then there is history that seems to repeat itself.
Cursing us as we spin 'round trapped in a never
   ending vicious cycle.
And the accounts of historical things or acts;
   did they really happen as recorded?
Still Man exists.
Doing what we want.
Paying no never mind to the consequences.
But, oh how we whine when faced with them.
As with everything we govern by choices 
   and decisions.
Still ignoring the consequences.
All exists as always.
Doing as it wills.
Led by, no one knows.
Never wondering or questioning why,
   when, where, how, or even who.
Just blindly accepting everything being
   just as it should be.
As we all move on, ceaselessly.
With an end really just being a beginning.




I can see with my own eyes.
I can hear with my own ears.
I can smell with my own nose. 
I can taste with my own tongue.
I can think with my own brain.
I can feel with my own fingers.
I can believe with my own soul.
For I am me.
These all belong to me.
For me alone to use.
I know how to use them.
Do not tell me how.
Do not tell me any different.
Do not even presume to show me.
For you are not me.




I still hear your voice when it's real quiet.
I still sense your presence when I am all alone.
I still remember you when I stop to wonder.
I still see you when I did not see you any more.
I still here your full laugh whenever I laugh.
I still smell that burning smell whenever you 
I still hear the fire alarm sounding with joy
    every time you did.
I still feel you here in me when I feel lonely
   and afraid.



Inside I was suffering.
But you didn't know that.
Because you left me out.
You left me behind.
I wonder if you even cared.
Did you ever really care.
You just could not see past yourself.
Trapped in your own little world.
As I was in mine.
But, somehow I was all to blame.
You pushed me away further.
You turned yourself inside out.
You just did not want to see life as it really was.
And still, I was the one to blame.
I guess you were a false friend after all.
You left me hanging upside down.
You bled me dry.
Cut me off for good.
Leaving me where I stood.
Your life went on.
Mine just sputtered and died.
I went into a spiral down.
The darkness of despair claimed me.
You were never there.
You were in another world.
Living another life.
I never blamed you for that.
I never blamed you for anything.
Till you came and cut me down.
Inside I was left hemorrhaging.
Slowly and painfully dying.
I was trying to reach out to you.
But you just cut my hand off.
Going your own way again.
As I was left there in a pool of my own blood.
I died that day.
You never knew.
I no longer care.
I've got my own life to live such as it is.
You are no longer needed.
Still, it hurts.
How can friends treat each other like that?
One is always left in a pile of rubble.
I guess that one is me.
As the weight crushes me.
You go on now.
Pay me no heed.
I won't bleed for you any more.
I will keep my name from you from now on.
I forgive you but I will not forget.



Sitting here all by myself.
Tears trace down my cheeks.
Inside my head  the world is making its' noise.
It's enough to drive me mad.
And I'm half way there.
All wound up tight
I feel I'm about to explode.
There's no peace of mind for me again tonight.




Give me a reason to go on tonight.
Because I am just not seeing any.
My feelings are all screaming at me.
With nowhere to go.
But deep down into the abyss within.
Where my screams echo endlessly.
I never saw life coming.
It was like the storm surge before the storm.
I was washed away.
Who I was was gone forever.
Leaving little hope to grasp.
I just want to know why.
What is all this for?
Then I see a dove with a fig leaf, and I shoot it.
Hope is gone from me.
I see nothing in my life.
A life that is dead.
Just a barren wasteland.
I'm lost out in it, no food, no water.
I am parched.
I am starving.
Slowly wasting away.
Soon there will be nothing left of me.
Just give me a reason for me.
Something that I can believe in.
The truth, not a lie.



I have been here before.
With my head held in my hands in shame.
Hands stained with blood.
Tears are falling down on me like rain.
I have driven another nail into Your body.
I have betrayed You again.
I have disowned You again.
I was one of the ones who ran away from You.
I have denied who I am.
I have turned my back on You.
More times than I care admit to.
I am just a man. I am a sinner, I am weak.
All poor excuses, if even that.
I chose to walk away.
I chose to hide deep within myself.
Hoping no one would find me.
And I'd be free from life.
I'd be free from the world.
They left me alone.
They left me behind.
This freedom turned into a curse.
I was devouring myself from the inside out.
Slowly trying to painfully kill myself.
Oh, I loved You so.
I felt it deep in my heart and soul.
Still I plunged my fist into Your chest
   and ripped out Your heart.
But You did not die.
You did not retaliate.
You did not punish.
Even in your pain and grief.
You did not leave me as all others had.
You remained.
Always faithful.
Never failing.
You still loved me.
As I was, such as I was.
You loved me just the same.
Nothing in Heaven or on Earth
   or even under the earth could keep
    You from me.
You always moved all Heaven and 
   Earth just to save me.
To save me from myself.
I don't understand why You bother.
I don't understand why You care.
I know I have given You many reasons not to.
Still You remained, right by my side, faithfully.
You are the reason that I can finally see.
Just how much You love me.
No matter how little I show any love for You.




My heart is breathing.
I am alive.
I am rising above.
I am expanding.
I am reaching new heights.
I am reaching new ground.
I am walking on.
I am pressing on.
I am carrying on.
I cannot be stopped.
I do not walk alone.
For One goes with me.
He watches over me.
I will not fear for He is with me.
Even as everything closes in on me.
Even among my enemies.
His presence is a comfort and an assurance.
I can lie down to rest knowing He will
   remain with me.
As I go He levels the path for me.
As I go He clears the way for me.
My heart is breathing.
I am alive.




Guards were placed at the tomb of Jesus.
The high priest feared Christ's disciples stealing 
   His body during the night.
The two Marys went home to sleep.
During the night an angel of the Lord appeared
   at Christ's tomb.
Suddenly there was a loud bang, and the great 
   stone broke apart.
The guards were so afraid they fainted.
In the morning the two Marys returned to stand 
   vigil, for today was the third day.
Upon arriving they were shocked to find the stone
   lying in pieces on the ground 
    in front of the tomb.
Upon entering they  found it barren except for
   the blood stained linen Jesus had been 
    wrapped in.
 And two men standing just off to the side.
Their robes gleamed like lightning.
They asked,  "Why do you look for Jesus here?
He is risen!
He has gone before you to Galilee and will see
   you there."
The two Marys rushed off to Galilee 
   to where His disciples were staying.
They told them of what they had seen and heard.
A few doubted, Thomas being one.
Then in the open doorway a shining bright 
   figure appeared.
The figure that stepped out of the light 
   was Jesus.
Bearing scars on each wrist and on each ankle 
   and one on His right side.
He held out both hands, smiled and said:
   "Do not be afraid for I am risen as I said 
     I would."
Even Thomas lost his doubts.
Jesus then said: "I am leaving for now,
   but, fear not, I will be returning soon"
Jesus then added, "When I leave, the promised 
   Comforter will come upon you all, 
    do not be afraid it is the Holy Spirit of God."
With that Jesus disappeared in a cloud.
Then everything began to shake 
   and a mighty rushing wind forced its' way 
    through the narrow doorway.
As it swirled around each one gathered there.
Flames appeared in place of the roaring wind.
The roaring became all the louder, 
   and the flames began to swirl 
    around each person.
Then began to dance over each person's head.
Then all the flames were gone.
Each person there became enraptured.
Shouting for joy, "Jesus Christ our Lord has
And they were filled with the Holy Spirit.
They all then departed to go their separate ways.
To follow Christ's directions, to make disciples 
   of all nations.
Christ came, He saw, He died, He arose.
The world had been changed forever.