30/07/2014

THE WORDS OF A SHIVERING SOUL



I feel so cold.
I am frozen within.
Long have the shadows grown.
Darkness has fallen upon me.
I am lost deep inside myself.
I am afraid.
Silence has gripped me tight.
I am suffocating.
My tears are icicles in the corners of my eyes.
They burn, they burn, they burn.
I am alive, I am dead.
I am forsaken.
My pain is tormenting me.
Every waking moment I am tortured.
I am bleeding internally.
There is little to no hope for me.
What hope there is is helpless.
I am nothing and nowhere.
What I was I am again.
And I don't care.
I am too far gone.
I am falling, continually falling.
There is no rock bottom that I can see.
Tell me, where do I go from here?
What am I supposed to do?
God, where are You?
We seem to have been separated.
This isn't what I want, or what I asked for.
I am self deprecating.
I loathe all that I can see in me.
Oh God, take this broken body and grind my bones into dust,
then cast it all into the wind.
And so, here I am.
Alone, all alone.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

25/07/2014

SUICIDE NOTE



There is nothing for me.
Not then, not now, not to come.
All hope has drained away.
I am just so very tired.
Living has become a struggle.
A battle just to believe.
What is happiness, but a lie?
I am down trodden.
Fear has consumed all that I am.
It is the rising tide.
The thing that is pulling me down and away.
The silence is deafening.
Left alone to drown within myself.
What is compassion?
I just do not care.
Let go, I will walk away.
Love?!
Another lie that I will not believe in any more.
I am broken.
I am damaged beyond repair.
I cannot be fixed.
I don't really want to be.
It is of no consequence any way.
I will let the darkness take me now.
I will give in.
I will walk into the bitter cold.
The night that awaits me.
I will take what is mine no more.
Death is its own reward.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY