This is not a lie.
This is my life.
This is not the end.
This is where I begin.
I just want to live.
I just want to be.
Can someone listen to me?
Instead of judging me.
I am not the problem.
But I can be the solution.
I will not sit in visible silence.
I have a voice and I will use it.
I am not someone to understand.
I am not just someone either.
I am a person.
I am real.
You cannot find me in a book.
You cannot find me in a talking box.
Just look at me.
Can you see the real me?
Do not tell me.
Just let me.
I am not separate from you.
I am not below you.
Nor am I above you.
When cut, I bleed.
Same as you.
I have feelings, they can be hurt.
Same as you.
I just want to say one thing.
Will you open your mind and let me?




I have travelled far.
Just to end up in the middle of nowhere.
Nothing to see for miles around.
No land, no sea, no sky.
I choke on the invisible air.
It's hard to imagine.
What just is not there.
This is my journey of a thousand
I have taken with a thousand first
I am not going anywhere.
I am even not going in circles.
One step forward, two steps back
   is a lie.
Truth is, no one goes anywhere.
What is anywhere anyway?
I thought I came so far.
All full of hope.
Now I am on empty.
And truth is, I have not come at all.
Every beginning has no ending.
Every ending has no beginning.
So here I am, nowhere.
Just where is nowhere?
How can it exist if it is not there?
Is life just another lie to be told?
Just a legend with no heroes.
Just a myth but with no tale.
Far is as near and near is as far.
Everything cancels everything out.
What does everything really mean?
There is no reason.
There is no design.
There is no purpose.
There is no why or how.
All is in vain.
All is vain.
Why am I writing this anyway?




Down through the ages.
I have been alone.
Left on my own.
And to my own devices.
I caused so much damage.
My anger fed my hate.
I just grew in suffering.
It was an acid.
Eating away at me.
Despair devoured me whole.
I continued on living this way.
It seemed like an eternity.
I knew someone was there.
But I had dug such a void between us.
I lived in an abyss.
I was just not listening.
I turned away.
Till I did not believe any more.
I was so confused.
Frustration came upon me.
As the confusion overcame me.
All hope was gone.
I felt so separated.
I had removed You from me.
Still I could feel someone.
A whisper in my ear.
My heart and soul could hear You.
i lost my confusion.
My tears felt warm on my face.
They fell just like a driving rain.
Down on my bloodied hands and knees.
I was soaked straight through.
I was saturated.
I felt so alive for the first time.
A light broke through all the layers of
I realized what I was missing.
I was missing.
And I was missing You.
The peace that I craved so sorely.
All the pieces began to fall into place.
The cracks remained.
They were my scars.
My beautiful scars.
The mess I was became one big
   beautiful mess.
They remind me of just how much I need
You love me as I am.
You love me such as I am.
You love who I am.
I do not want to wander away again.
For I love You so.
In pieces You made me whole.
You welcomed this prodigal son back
This is where I belong.
This is home.
This is where my heart is.
I am home.




So far from Eden.
So far from who we we are.
So far from who we could be.
Long forgotten.
The grey fog covers.
Babble, babble, babble.
We are the nameless generation.
Meant for so much.
Left to our own means.
Never reaching the end that would justify.
What have we done?
What have we become?
Raised on toys with brains.
Knowledge is manufactured.
Wisdom has become a lie.
Fact is fiction.
Fiction, the new religion.
Always wanting more.
Always wanting.
Desiring the untrammelled.
Staring at the stars.
Wanting to touch just one.
Wanting to go beyond.
Fearing the unknown.
Ever trying to find it.
Endlessly trying to surpass it.
Men in power.
Pretending they were a god.
Believing their own lies to be truth.
They think they are in control.
Fearing the uncontrollable.
We are all deceived.
We have wondered for way too long.
We have created our own god.
We pretend to worship it.
Our confessions are empty.
Said with fear.
The blind lead the blind.
Religion is god.
An idol looked to for saving.
Praying to long dead men.
Calling them "saints".
Calling them "fathers", "mother", and
"Oh Rabbi, Rabbi, lead us home."
   We cry out in vain.
What of the Lamb that was slain?
Has all the blood run dry?
Have we killed God?
Calling one man god now.
Not seeing him for what he is.
A wolf in sheep's covering.
What have we done?
What have we become?
Every night we see anger.
Every night we see hate.
A box has become our saviour now.
Man is still creating their own towers
   of Babel.
Everyone wants to be the highest.
The New Covenant has grown stale.
The Old Covenant has returned.
God on his broken throne.
Dealing out judgement based on lies.
Darkness covers.
And we see it as light.
Evil has become holy.
The wicked have murdered faith, hope,
   and love.
Forgotten, forsaken the Way, the Truth,
   and the Life.
Separating from the One True God.
The One Most High.
Bowing before manufactured wooden
Everything is hollow tradition.
Bowing down before symbols of evil 
Oh, how far we have come.
Oh, how far we have wandered.
We are lost and do not even know it.
All we know is what we see.
Theory is reality.
Oh how great and wise we are.
Going forward when actually going 
   in reverse.
Ancient teaching put on shelves to gather
Putting all trust in words many times 
The ancient language of love has been lost
   in the translation.
We read all the books.
Calling them holy.
Thinking we are growing closer to God.
Wanting the Divine.
Accepting a lie instead.
Just stories from long ago.
We come together to make ourselves
   feel good.
Saying we love each other.
But, how can that be?
When we judge.
We are angry.
So we hate.
Thinking we are becoming holy.
Just because we "believe".
We "believe" in vain.
We use God's Name in vain.
Calling ourselves righteous.
Forgetting it is the sinner who is being 
The Chosen Few.
Our ways are not His ways.
We are not what He meant us to be.
We were meant for so much more.
We instead created sin.
We left Eden far behind.
Never giving it a single thought again.
We have forgotten.
We, who call ourselves gods.
But love is still speaking.
That still, small voice.
The long lost ancient language of love
Still cries, still screams.
Do not harbour silence in your hearts.
For silence kills and devours.
Listen, hear.
God still loves us all.
He is still speaking to us all.
So few hear.
Love is what we were meant for.
Hope still exists.
Faith is so much more than we think it is.
Listen, hear.
The long lost ancient language of love.
The religion of the false gods just babble.
Do not be deceived.
Truth is a lie.
Love is just a word, a feeling.
What do you see?
What do you hear?




My world is darkness,
Silence killing me slowly.
Icy fingers squeeze my throat tightly.
I cannot breathe.
Everything is fading to black.
I am burnt out.
Lost deep within myself.
Deep within the abyss that is my soul.
The silence is screaming within the
   prison that is my mind.
The six walls that surround me.
I feel like death.
I am rot and decay.
My life is a grave.
Lost within my despair.
Lost within my loneliness.
The pressure is growing as the silence
   grows louder.
And louder still.
I forget where  I am.
I forget who I am.
Maybe I just don't want to.
Reality is just so frightening.
I just want to escape.
Before I am overcome by all of this.
Sinking deeper down within myself.
My cries have become endless echoes
   reverberating inside my head.
Is this the end of me?
Can I run away?
Can I hide away?
I'm lost as it is.
I just want to become numb.
I do not want to feel.
Anything other than this is better
   than the hell I have been living.
I want out.
I want to be far away from here.
To rest just once.
To see the sunlight once again.
To be free of this darkness.
To find myself for the first time again.
Somewhere is so far away.
Nowhere is right here.
Life is killing me softly.
Swallowing me.
Devouring me.
Do I exist?
Did I ever?
I do not know.
I just want to know.
Where am I.
Who am I.
Was I?




Time passes everyone by.
Leaving them far behind.
We're all caught
   in the dust cloud.
And lose perspective
   for a short while.
Feeling disoriented can be
Confusion and frustration
   often set in.
Life's hard enough as it is.
With the ever passing moment
   ever passing.
Time borrowed is coming due.
And is almost gone.
Before you know it,
   it will all be over.
When it's too late you will
   know it.
All those wasted years.
They should have been
   all golden.
Instead they're tarnished.
There we sit crying,
   "Oh woe is me."
No point in lamenting now.
You had your chance.
Just one chance.
You choose to use it.
Or you choose to loose it.
But, all this is yet to come.
You still have your chance.
Don't let fear get in the way.
Fear is your greatest enemy.
You are in control.
Do not hold yourself back.
Let go of your fear.
And hold onto your hope.
Hope will never let
   you down.
Hope is stronger than fear
   and time.
Hold on for dear life.
For all that you're worth.
Don't hold anything
   to chance.
It will surely take it.
Then it will be gone.
Leaving you standing
   there, empty handed.
You are in control.
It's your choice.
Remember only one thing
   is for sure.
And that is change.
You can always depend
   on that.
This is it.
Choose now, choose wisely.
Don't let chance steal
You are above all that.
Follow your heart.
You'll never go astray.
Right here, right now.
Time is running out.
Don't you let it.
Better get with it then.



I sit alone in an empty room.
In an empty house.
Just walls and a roof.
This place is not a home.
Only grief lives here.
Despair lives here too.
Loneliness is always visiting.
I cry silently.
I hide my tears in my pillow.
I keep my screams inside my head.
No one needs to see.
No one needs to know.
No one understands.
I don't even understand.
How could anyone else?
How could they care anyway?
I don't want to feel this way any more.
Someone please take this all away.
I don't want to feel any more.
Numb me from the inside out.
I want to cut everything out.
Till I bleed it all out.
If this is where I'm going to live
   then I don't want to live.
If this is all there is for me.
I just don't want to live it at all.
I cannot continue any more.
Not here, not like this.
No way, no how.
The emptiness is filling me.




I just don't know any more.
Maybe I never did.
Things are happening too fast.
Coming at me all at once.
What am I supposed to do?
I am just a man, and a poor
   excuse for one at that.
I am just one.
What can I do alone?
What can I do on my own?
I grow faint.
I grow weary.
I am falling.
I fall down.
I lack the strength and
   the will to continue on.
Is this all that there is for me?
Oh God, save me.
You are all that I have left.
Please come and rescue me.
I am so afraid.
My tears blind me.
No one hears my cries.
Can You hear me?
Here I am.
Trying to hide.
Trying to escape.
But see none.
My hope is dwindling.
Can You come and find me?
You are the only one left.
I have nothing.
I am nothing.
God please.




You came from nowhere.
A surprise attack from the
You struck fast.
You struck hard.
I could not defend myself.
I was down before I even knew it.
I tried to fight back.
But to no avail.
I was wounded too deeply.
Almost mortally.
I was bleeding out.
You moved in for the kill.
But you were stopped in your
My guardian angel, my protector.
Fought back in my stead.
You were pushed back.
You were held back.
As I made my retreat.
As wounded as I was.
There was then a counter strike.
The battle was mighty.
The sky glowed red.
But you were beat down
   into submission.
You fled in full retreat.
And you were vanquished
   once again.
I know you will return.
You bide your time well.
When my guard lets down.
You will be there.
That, I am quite sure of.
But I fear not.
For I am under the protection
   of my King.
And you will fall to defeat again.
So now I will rest assured.
As I recover.
I am not alone.
My King and His guards watch
   over me.
A mighty fortress He is.
A strong tower where I can
   run to in times of peril.
Who can come against me?
Who dares wield a sword
   at me?
There He who goes before me.
Now, who then?
Mighty is my Lord, my King.
Defeat did not come this night.
As I surrendered victory was
Greater is He who is in me,
   than he who is in the world.