Where are You?
Have I wandered too far away this time?
I need You now.
I am lost without You.
Just an empty man in an empty world.
I need Your love.
Without it I have no hope.
I have been here too many times.
How many times will I say I'm sorry
   before I learn my lesson.
I am but a lowly fool.
Prone to great foolishness.
Not the greatness You would have for me.
That frightens me.
I am just a broken down, poor excuse
   for a man.
A speck in an infinite universe.
Still You love me.
You take me back every time.
I have to break down and cry.
Not because I feel sorry for myself.
But, because I fail You time after time.
It must feel like the nails being driven into
   You again.
It must feel like the crown of thorns shoved 
   onto Your brow.
It must feel like the betrayal of a close friend.
Or the denial of another friend.
I don't mean to, I never mean to, but I still do.
I detest who I am and how I can be.
I feel so far away from me.
Even farther away from You.
Still You remain faithful.
And You will even to the end.
I trust in You, it's me I don't trust.
I betray myself, I betray You.
And what hurts the most, is that I know it.
It all weighs so heavy on me.
And I can no longer go on. 
Not like this.
I am just not strong enough.
Nor am I brave enough.
You are my Lord, You are my Saviour,
   You are my Best Friend.
And I need You.
I need You more than life itself.
I can't deny that.
Please take me back.
I just want to come back home to You.
It's so cold where I am.
Bring me back to You.
Bring me back to life.
Let Your love reign over me.
Please don't let me go.
I'm trying to hold onto You.
It's taking all I've got.
I am no one apart from You.
Nothing, even less than a speck.
You make me who I am.
You make me me.
You make me a better me.
That's what You do.
That's who You are.
You are love defined.
You are love exalted.
Yours is an unfailing love.
And I do not want to lose You.
For that will be when I lose myself too.
I won't be able to bring myself back.
I am holding onto You.
It is all that I can do.
It is all that I know.
You, I need You.
You, I need Your love.
Will You carry me through this night?
Will You be my light?
Turn my gaze to You.
Let all others fall away.
Till there is only You.



  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, it was kind of hard to write, but at the same time it felt so good.

  2. thank you for sharing this.
    i go through the same battles, the feelings of failure when all i want is to be Him and have Him shine through me for Him to gain glory and honor by my obedience and humility. i know i can be used more and be more if i only die to myself so He live in me. i hate when i fall for the same traps, for those same dumb past addictions, being an idiot and not running to Him to make amends. i hate that i do this to myself and Him for He loves me more than anyone including myself. i hate disappointing Him and myself. when will i finally learn from my mistakes and actually grow and move further down the road? i do not want to fail my King but i know there will be those times in the future where the darkness will suffocate and do its best to swallow me again. yet i must press forward and cling to His promises lest i lose myself again. He is my only hope, my light, my guide. only when i take my eyes off Him, turn to the left or right, that i stumble and fall. it's not an easy path yet He promised to be with me every step of the way, to never let me go, that He loves me unconditionally. i will cleave to that.
    thanks again for posting this on your site, sir :)

    1. There is one thing I have learned while screwing up all the time, is that God is never disappointed with us. He loves too much and that's not who He is.
      He's always right with you, no matter how far you think you wander away.
      That's God's faithfulness and grace.
      He doesn't care what you've done, or where you've been, or even what you have said.
      Once forgiven, you are forgiven for always and more. All is wiped away, past sins, present ones and even future ones.
      God knows our humanness, our sin nature, He only expects us to strive not to sin, strive to the holiness He calls us to be, strive to be imitators in Christ, like-minded as one under One.
      God is your loving heavenly Father, as you said, He knows you best.
      All that you go through is preparing you for what God has in-store for you. Great trials usually bring great rewards.
      God loves you, I love you, you can too.
      Take your eyes from the foolishness that was your past life, it is dead and buried, turn your eyes to God alone and you will never go astray again.
      Even if you think you have, God knows better.
      Remember this: Faith guides you, hope sustains you, and love strengthens you.


I'd love to know what you think of this poem.