I loved to laugh and play.
I was so innocent and free.
But that was then.
The innocence was ripped from me.
All happiness and joy just disappeared.
Tears became normal for me.
Why did he have to beat me?
I just wanted him to love me.
It was all in the name of discipline.
But all I learned was hurt, anger and hate.
You cannot see the scars, but they are there.
In my mind I can still feel all the pain.
In my mind I am still bleeding.
There are still times that I just fall all apart.
I come all undone.
I still cry.
I'm still angry.
It's so hard to forgive when it hurts so much.
And how am I supposed to love?
That frightened, angry little boy is inside this man.
Making this man frightened and angry.
Tears still fall.
As I try to let go of all of it.
But it all just will not let go of me.
Trapped and imprisoned.
God, where are You?
I need You now more than ever.
I cannot take this any more.
The harms are still tearing me to shreds.
Here's my heart.
Will You take it and hold my heart.
Please bring peace and comfort to me.
To the boy that is in the man.
The man that is still that little boy.
SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY