Questions always come.
But the answers rarely do.
The questions just fall out of my mouth to the ground.
Leaving me with my wondering.
That I can feel turning into doubt.
I can no longer breathe, suffocating.
It's so hard for me to pray right now.
I struggle for the words to say.
I don't know, maybe it's just me.
But I can't help what I am feeling.
I know that my feelings are lying to me.
Still, I just cannot ignore them.
I'd kill them if I could.
Cut them out and do away with them.
Strike a match and set them ablaze.
But my feelings are staying with me.
They're not leaving any time soon.
I feel helpless.
Afraid to put up a fight.
But I do struggle with my feelings at least.
It just doesn't seem enough.
What am I supposed to do?
If I don't know how.
Where am I supposed to go?
If I have nowhere to go that I can see.
It hurts so very much.
How am I supposed to forgive being the way I am?
I just don't want to know any more.
I don't care.
I'd be rid of it if I could let go of anything.
I can feel the burning within myself.
I am being consumed.
I am being overcome.
My feelings are just so strong.
I am being torn apart.
I feel as though I am going through a shredder.
There isn't much of me left.
My mind has fragmented who I am.
Or who I was.
I hate this.
I don't want this.
But I feel as though I am left with no choice.
It's the questions that brought all this down upon me.
The doubt that is creeping inside of me.
I am so full of despair and hopelessness.
I have these questions.
I have no answers.
With me caught in the middle.
Feeling as I do.
I just want to forget it.
If only I could.
SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(15/12/2012)