27/04/2014

MY EMPTY HOUSE



I'm all alone in an empty house.
I feel so hollow.
The tears taste so bitter.
That's how I am feeling.
All alone within myself.
I think of you,
even though I don't want to.
It hurts so very much.
I am having trouble holding on.
It's so hard when there's no one to hold me up.
Someone to tell me everything's going to be okay.
All this pain I keep hidden deep down in my soul.
But it's killing me.
I want to be numb.
I don't want to feel anything.
The tears, oh how they burn.
I'm feeling that I just cannot go on.
I don't want to go on.
My heart has blackened.
My heart has hardened.
I wish that you were here with me still.
I have so much that I need to say to you,
face to face.
So much I want to take back, but I know that I cannot.
You are gone, and I'm still here.
I have to go on living.
No matter how much it hurts.
But I do not want to.
I want to look and see you with me.
I know that you have gone away.
You have gone home at last.
I know that your pain and suffering are at an end.
But I cannot help but to mourn.
Even though I know that I will see you again someday.
But it still hurts so very much.
No one sees me cry,
no one knows of my pain.
In life I never said that I love you to you.
I just want that chance to again for the first time.
As I sit here, in my heart I know that I love you,
and that you know that I love you too.
Still I hold onto all the hurt and pain.
I'm afraid to let them all go.
What if you go too?
I will never forget you.
Even though there was much anger and hatred shared between us.
I still bear the scars on my skin.
I still can see all that all too well.
I still ask why.
But it doesn't matter any more.
It's all moot.
I closed my eyes and you were gone.
Leaving your empty shell behind.
I can still see it as though you were just sleeping just as I did that night.
I long for the days that you were alive.
It's not the same with just the memories in my heart and my mind.
So many of them are faded like old photographs.
Others are all scorched, 
others are all burnt.
So I put them all in a box and seal it forever.
I don't want to see them again.
It just hurts so very much,
too much.
I will not return here again.
Even though I will always remain in this empty house.
Hollow as it is,
hollow as I am.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

3 comments:

  1. Dad, I still miss you here.
    I have so much that I want to say, but all that I really want to say to you is that I love you.
    We will see each other again.

    ReplyDelete

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