What has my life come to?
I don't remember where I've been.
I don't know where I am.
I'm afraid of where I will be.
All my memories are scorched.
So much has faded.
My tears used to wash the pain away,
now they only sting.
I swallow my pain everyday.
And I choke on it every time.
They say I'm defined by what I've been through.
But I question that.
What I've gone through has only held me down.
If that's what defines me then I'm down, broken.
A loser is said to be someone who's not just
afraid to live but is afraid to even try.
I guess I am a loser.
No one understands.
I am included in that.
I know I have only one life and there is only so
much time to live it.
But how am I supposed to live when
I don't know how to?
I never have.
No one ever taught me how.
I was thrust out into this world without.
Fear constantly beats me up.
Fear constantly beats me down.
I have to hide.
I live in darkness.
I only shed invisible tears.
My crying and sobbing is silent and held in.
I am so tired of everyone telling me how to live.
I am tired of opinions unsolicited.
How can they know what's best for me?
They don't even know me.
They cannot even see me.
They never listen to me.
I just want to be left alone.
I'm better off that way.
I am so sick and tired of explaining myself.
No one understands anyway.
Not that I do.
Because I do not.
This is why I am afraid to live and to even try.
I see blindly.
I hear in silence.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
God, what's wrong with me?
God, where are you?
Have you forgotten about me?
I know I am just one little speck
but I am alone down here and hurting.
Dying a little bit more with the passing
of each day.
I'm having trouble believing these days.
These are dark days for me.
I am troubled.
I am confused.
I am frustrated.
I cannot take this any more, never could anyway.
In my heart I feel so sad.
It makes my heart feel so heavy.
I only ache in my soul.
Making my soul feel torn.
I have made a home deep within myself.
This is where I am.
Out of sight , out of mind.
I fractured my mind somewhere along the way.
I am so broken.
And it hurts.
I guess this is what my life has come to.
SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(04/01/2013)