I spit the blood out of my mouth.
I look at you with pure anger and hate.
I wipe the blood from my face.
One more time.
I'm not going to take any more.
I know I am weak.
You tell me all the time.
Then you show me too.
Smashing a bottle over my head.
One day I will retaliate.
Or I will just leave, not looking back.
No, not ever looking back.
I need to be free of you.
Somehow I will never be free of you.
You will haunt me till my death.
I cannot get you out of my mind.
I can still hear the screaming.
I can still feel the hurts, harms and all the pain.
And I can still hear your drunken laughter.
I just want out.
I just want it all to stop.
I don't want to feel worthless any more.
But I must forgive, or you'll follow me 
  wherever I go.
Believing and forgiving are the hardest part for me.
I cannot even forgive or love myself.
It just hurts so very much. 
You are in my head screaming day and night.
You're going to be the death of me.
I cannot escape.
I am too afraid.
It will just make things worse.
So I just keep trying to hide the best I can.
But you always find me in my mind.
Your raspy voice and the laughter keep you 
  you in my mind.
This has to stop and stop now!
When, how?
Stop laughing at me!
Just leave me alone!
You bent me and I snapped like twigs.
But I am getting stronger.
You'll just won't get it.
You just won't see me.
I am changing and it doesn't include you.
I get stronger and stronger every day.
So here I will go, leaving you far behind,
I won't even look back, only onward.
Your screams fall on deaf ears.
You can no longer hurt me.
I am gone, gone, gone.
I will fight to get you out of my mind.
Your chains will all fall from down off of me.
For the first time in my life I feel free.
I don't know where I am going.
But it will be far away and from from your reach.
You are dead to me effective right now.
I have something to live for.
I have a reason to live.
I have a purpose somewhere deep down within me.
The meaning for me is simple; "Love all, always."


1 comment:

  1. Again, amazing! Even though these are very personal experiences, most poetry is I suppose, you speak for so many, the drunken laughter, the screaming inside my head... I'm sure I'm not the only one that can relate to those images.


I'd love to know what you think of this poem.