I lay awake.
Visions haunt me.
Of long ago.
Voices taunt me.
My mind is pierced.
I've nowhere to go.
I cannot escape.
Chains shackle me down.
Pulled right taught.
Is this how it will always be?
Because it already seems so.
My anger burns hot within me.
My hatred begins to boil over.
As I fall in whole.
Endlessly I go.
Seems like forever.
Where is my rock bottom?
Why is it that it all keeps coming back?
Why can't I have a moments rest?
This is causing damage.
Way beyond repair.
Does it really matter?
I am beginning to not care at all.
I stare off into the nothing.
I am in a daze.
Pull me over.
But I am already there.
I try to sedate me.
I try to numb me.
But my feelings betray me every time.
They're everywhere.
What is peace of mind?
Or is it piece of mind?
I just don't know any more.
I spin around endlessly.
Throwing me into a state of dizzy.
As it all comes down upon me.
I cannot help but to cry.
This isn't the way I want to be.
But I am a prisoner to my own pain.
It swallows all of me.
And it never satisfies.
I cry out to the angels;
  "Please come save me!"
But no one's there.
And if there were I don't think anyone
  would care.
My halo's tarnished.
Discoloured with oxidation.
My wings burnt down to the stubs.
My garments all torn and dirty.
What will become of me?
Will I be able to hold out?
But don't you ask me.
Why would I know?
Just continue to turn from me.
You are me in disguise.
All's been taken from me.
Now my hands are empty but bloody.
But for the scars.
That I wear proudly.
They're all I have left.
Like blisters healed.
Making me that much stronger.
I try to convince myself.
Then I cut me.
Just to see myself bleed.
I know it's an act of will.
My past remains with me still.
I roll over and tumble into my grave.
This is my home.
A prison of my own making.
Cover me over.
 Bury me deep.
For there's no returning.
Now I will close the door.
Locking it from within and without.
I will set my bridge ablaze.
There's no going back to lucidity,
  nor sanity.
My life's in anarchy.
Everything will be razed 
  to the ground.
There is no more of hope.
It is foreign.
I cannot, will not return.
I'm too far gone.
I am covered in corrosion.
It consumes me, this rust.
It is a caustic acid.
Like black rain falling down 
  upon me.
Freezing me from within.
Or is it from without?
Turn another blank page.
There's nothing to tell.
Of my fall from grace.
I can hear you mock me.
Like fingers 'round my throat.
Squeezing slow and sure.
Hear me choking.
See my sight hazing over.
Soon to go all black.
Take me out.
Let me fade.
I weather and I wither.
No wisdom with my age.
All that was green with life.
Slowly turns to black of death.
I do not look back.
I do not look ahead.
I do not look down.
I do not look up.
Mine eyes have been gouged 
  from my skull.
Such a deep sleep.
Such a deep trance.
I lie to myself.
And believe it's all true.
"You can just shut it!"
  I yell to myself.
I'm not listening anyhow.
Close the book.
Tear out another page.
Light it on fire.
Erase me from history.
None will remember me.
Just a silly tale.
Meant to scare.
Sure as I am, I am not.
Never was, never is, 
  never will be.

(Scott David Buckley-10/04/2012)

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