FOR THE HEALING

You were here.
Then you were not.
Not a word was uttered.
No good-bye.
You just up and left.
Taking my heart for you with you.
Now I have a hole deep within me.
Like a flower that withers in the light.
There is no bringing me back to life.
My voice becomes a whimper.
I cry an endless river of tears.
For you and I were not finished.
I am feeling so hopeless.
This is not how it is supposed to be.
I wanted so much more.
Just to come beside you and find some
  peace for us.
So much was said and done between us.
All the wounds.
All the torment and horror.
I was trying to cross the burning bridge.
But I was always getting burned.
So I just gave up.
Now it is too late to start over.
To go back to where it all started.
To make a new go of it.
Maybe it was never meant to be.
Am I being judged for what I did
  and for what I did not?
I have only anger for myself.
I am branded guilty.
But, of what good does all this serve?
I feel so forsaken.
I feel myself falling into the endless pit.
Water is poured onto the phoenix.
My angel watching over me has fallen.
And my gaze is closing.
I am so lost now.
All that I wanted for us has become 
  a wasted dream.
A kind of nightmare.
I never wanted you to go.
I never even thought you ever would.
But, here I am all alone.
With a bleeding heart and soul.
Are you looking down on me?
I cannot see you.
I cannot hear you.
I cannot feel you.
This is a hell.
That I do not want to be in.
I have fallen into my grave.
For you are dead for me.
And it will go untitled.
Will any of this give way?
Will this give a way?
I need you here now.
I need you now!
You were, now no more.
Did I pass up my one and only
  opportunity?
Will I ever get a second chance?
Am I dwelling on something toxic
  to me?
But, how can I let go?
I just do not know.
It would be so much easier.
Almost easier.
If you were still here.
I am reaching out now for thin air.
All my hopes are thrown onto this.
I am praying this will go through.
I will die to have this work out for us.
Please do not let go of me.
A flame will burn in the broken 
  window.
I will surely find my way to where 
  you are.
I pray for the comfort.
I pray for the healing.
I pray for self-forgiveness.
You went home.
Soon I will follow, for sure.
I just need to know that you loved me 
  and that you still do.
Do you know that I loved you and 
  I still do.
You and I are, and always will be, one.
I will follow your life.
I will be you.
You have become me.
And I have hope for eternity shared.
For I am assured of my own home 
  there.
Oh, I can hear you whispering to me.
I can feel your hand gripping mine.
Oh, I know, I know, I know.
You never left.
Your grave is empty.
For you have been made whole.
No more sorrow.
No more suffering.
No more fighting.
I am so grateful for knowing you.
All and everything has been washed
  under the burning bridge.
Now charred coals.
But still standing.
And if I come this way again.
I know I am on the right way.
Oh Father in Heaven.
Watch over me.
Keep me safe and warm.
Never let me think I had lost hope
  and love.
Bring me home to share with my
  earthly father.
And to be never guilty of his sin again.
I am journeying for tomorrow.
Thank you for being with me.
Thank you for loving me.
You are still here with me.
Blessed.


(Scott David Buckley-16/04/2012)