ALL BLAME IS ON GOD

Always questioning.
Always missing the answers.
Waiting for the perfect time.
Not noticing that the ever passing
   moment has passed.....again.
Remembering yesterday.
Waiting for tomorrow.
Forgetting about today.
Lessons are never learned.
Taken by self-apathy.
Forgotten by self.
Identity is lost.
Feeling sick.
Feeling forlorn.
Weary and alone.
All blame is on God.
Shame on Him?!
Shame on man!

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

My Mental Illness & Christian Faith: Symptoms versus Sin

My Mental Illness & Christian Faith: Symptoms versus Sin: This post is about the controversial subject of mental illness and sin. Mental disorders are serious illnesses that are real, jus...

VICTIM

  I have fallen.
  You pushed me.
  I know you just do not care.
  You put all the blame all on me.
  I do not understand why.
  Out of spite?
  Out of malice?
  Do you even realize?
  I think you do.
  As you kick me as I lie down here
in a pool of my own blood.
  I cry out.
  My pleas go unheard or ignored.
  I swear I see you smiling.
  Through my tears.
  I extend my hand in an offer of peace.
  You grasp it.
  But I can see your other hand behind
your back with fingers crossed.
  There is a smile on your face.
  As you bask in your seemingly triumph.
  I am left here bleeding internally.
  The damage you caused is unseen by
you.
  I doubt you would care anyway.
  I pick myself up and limp away.
  Holding my broken heart in my hand.
  There is great pain.
  My soul is torn.
  Then I stumble and fall.
  I cannot go on.
  Too many wounds, too much that
was lost.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

THE BLACKNESS OF THE DARK IS ALL I CAN SEE

You will never know what is in my heart.
No matter how hard you try.
Too hard and cold is my heart.
I am surrounded by six walls.
You will never even get close.
I am invisible.
Try if you will.
But all your efforts will be for naught.
No matter how much I want to reveal
   myself.
I just cannot.
I have been betrayed before.
I am still bleeding.
But it is not for you to see.
I am classified.
The secret that I am can never be known.
Much less shared.
Do not look for me.
You will never find me.
I cannot even find myself.
You will be looking at me but you will
   never see me.
I have covered myself well.
And so I cry.
Loneliness is my only companion.
I can never let go of myself.
I will keep myself far away.
You will not even hear me.
In time I will not exist to you as well.
In no time at all, all memories will become
   fragmented.
I will never be able to piece anything
   together.
As I become unable to even hold myself
   together.
The blackness of the dark is all I can see.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

I AM WHO I AM NOT

I have fallen.
I am broken.
My mouth is shut and sealed.
I have Xs for eyes.
My heart and soul, blackened.
The fire within me has grown cold.
I am but ashes on the wind.
I am a failure.
Forgotten and forsaken.
I live a life dead.
Darkness smothers me.
I am overwhelmed.
Angry and enraged.
I have grown to hate.
I blame myself for everything.
I am undone.
I am but broken shards of glass.
Crushed am I.
Alone and on my own.
Worn, weathered, and calloused.
I am wrapped in scar tissue.
I cannot move.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot speak or even cry out.
My tears have dried up.
They are dust.
Wretched am I.
Hideous.
I hide.
I segregate.
I seclude.
I separate.
I remain illusive.
Exclusive.
I am weary.
I want to rest.
But there is no rest for the wicked.
I have no will to speak of.
I am weak and waning.
I am slowly killing myself.
Comatose.
But aware of the haunting pain.
Excruciating.
I am what I am not.
I am who I am not.
Bleak existence.
Non-existence.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY