But I could never fit in.
Oh how I longed to.
It was all for naught.
Always left alone, dismayed and...alone.
"I am so alone, I hate my life, I want to die."
The words I used to say.
I hated the me I was.
The me I was hated me too.
Further I sank with in the blackness within me.
No one ever came around and that
suited me just fine.
For hating me I hated them right back.
They hurt me, they are hurting me.
But I will hurt myself first.
Maybe then I will become numb.
And they won't be able to hurt me any more.
They say the pain just reminds you you are alive.
If that's true then why do i want to die.
I want to die.
I am so tired.
I am so very tired.
God, where are you?
Do you hate me like everyone else?
Have you forgotten about me?
I just don't know.
I just don't know what I believe anymore.
I just want the hurt and pain to stop.
Who can make it a;; stop and go away?
I am at my end.
God, is there another beginning?
But I'm not so sure I want to begin again.
What if that life is worse than this life.
I could not take it.
I cannot take it now, here.
So empty am I.
So full of the blood from the hopelessness.
I am hemorrhaging on the inside.
I would cut myself to blood let.
But I am too afraid of that too.
So here I suffer in silence.
I keep it all to myself.
I keep it all in myself.
Even though it means I hurt more.
Even though it means the pain will grow.
Consuming me eventually.
Eventually I will reach my end.
Eventually I will have to meet my last resort.
This is my last resort.
God, will you let me come home?
I just want to come home.
It's the only way for the hurt and pain and everything
else to stop.
I'm coming home.
God, please let me in.
I will move from this nothingness to another
I am nothing.
SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(01/10/2012)