I tried for so long.
But I could never fit in.
Oh how I longed to.
It was all for naught.
Always left alone, dismayed and...alone.
"I am so alone, I hate my life, I want to die."
The words I used to say.
I hated the me I was.
The me I was hated me too.
Further I sank with in the blackness within me.
No one ever came around and that 
  suited me just fine.
For hating me I hated them right back.
They hurt me, they are hurting me.
But I will hurt myself first.
Maybe then I will become numb.
And they won't be able to hurt me any more.
They say the pain just reminds you you are alive.
If that's true then why do i want to die.
I want to die.
I am so tired.
I am so very tired.
God, where are you?
Do you hate me like everyone else?
Have you forgotten about me?
I just don't know.
I just don't know what I believe anymore.
I just want the hurt and pain to stop.
Who can make it a;; stop and go away?
I am at my end.
God, is there another beginning?
But I'm not so sure I want to begin again.
What if that life is worse than this life.
I could not take it.
I cannot take it now, here.
So empty am I.
So full of the blood from the hopelessness.
I am hemorrhaging on the inside.
I would cut myself to blood let.
But I am too afraid of that too.
So here I suffer in silence.
I keep it all to myself.
I keep it all in myself.
Even though it means I hurt more.
Even though it means the pain will grow.
Consuming me eventually.
Eventually I will reach my end.
Eventually I will have to meet my last resort.
This is my last resort.
God, will you let me come home? 
I just want to come home.
It's the only way for the hurt and pain and everything
  else to stop.
I'm coming home.
God, please let me in.
I will move from this nothingness to another
I am nothing.


1 comment:

  1. Chances are you know someone like this. It's up to you to reach out to the. You have got to try. Let them know that they are in fact NOT alone and are very much loved.


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