A LONELY CROSS TO BEAR

A cross, yours to bear.
Its weight bears you down.
Your strength wanes.
You insist it's your cross.
Yours to bear alone.
And so you fall.
Beneath the weight of your arrogance.
There are those willing.
There are those offering.
Even Christ needed help to carry His cross.
Don't let your ignorance be the weight that finally buries you.
Even the strong grow weak.
Pride is something that will pull you down.
Do you not see?
That you need me.
Just like I need you.
One is never enough.
We all have our crosses to bear.
And we all need help to do so.
There is no shame here.
There is strength in the sharing of weakness.
We're all broken and have fallen.
"Here's my hand...Here's my hand...Here's my hand....
Lift together now, on three."

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

HOPE, THIS I BELIEVE

We do indeed live in hard times these days.

And at times life can feel dark and cold.

The tide always seems to roll back in all the much higher.

It's not easy to tread water any more,

not that it ever was.

We fight for survival,

which is quite a shame.

Life used to be so grand.

Where everyone wore a smile,

always quick to pass it on.

But hearts have hardened somewhere along the way.

One has to struggle just to keep it all together.

I miss seeing the joy of a young child,

who was free to run and roam wherever he may.

That innocence was stolen a long time ago.

And it just makes me cry, 

because I remember those days from my youth.

Without a care in the world except where and what would I explore next.

Now that I've grown and I am a man,

I long for those days left so far behind.

Just to laugh and feel free again.

But the world is now in the way.

I know somewhere deep inside my heart there still beats the heart of that child I used to be.

The one with boundless wonder.

With faith without questions.

Questions always come with some doubt,

doubt that boggs us all down.

It just breaks an already broken heart.

Where, oh where did we go wrong?

Where did we lose away,

going so far astray?

It feels as though I have lost my soul.

This hardened heart of mine is so cold,

cracked and crumbling.

But I still have some hope that I cling to with all of who I am.

For without this hope there is just nothing.

What a bleak and cynical existence that would be.

I still believe my hope will never let me down.

It never has thus far.

It always shines, rising up through the rain and the tears.

Where I can see the sun again,

basking in its warmth.

It does my heart and soul good.

If hope is all that I have, then hope is all I need.

God please do not ever let go of me.

For You are the only hope I have.

It is You that I believe in, wholly and solely.

You bring ease to this troubled mind of mine.

You bring comfort to the chaos life has become.

We do indeed live in hard in times these days.

But with even the smallest measure of hope I believe what we have lost can be again.

Even the dimmest of lights can shine the brightest.

For in hope there is strength and courage.

Enough to make it past the last milestone.

Where our journey is destined to lead.

Home.

Where the heart wants to be again for the first time.

So, remember this one last thing.

It's never over, beyond all hope, there is certainly joy in abundance.

This I believe.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

ACTUALLY

I look around me.

At the world that I live in.

I see scorched skies and scorched earth.

The air that I breathe chokes me.

And I feel so empty.

I walk along my way.

Feeling oh so alone.

Where did everything go?

Whatever happened to me?

Where did I go wrong?

I want to know.

I need to know.

God, I feel so very far away from You.

I cannot hear You any more.

I cannot feel You any more.

The tears flow freely.

I wipe them away.

I try to hide them.

I don't want anyone to see.

No one needs to know.

They would not understand anyway.

And I fear the ridicule that would surely come.

I am having trouble believing these days.

I am losing hope in these hard times.

With my faith slipping away from me in these dark days.

I have fallen so many times that I cannot get up any more.

The pain that I feel freezes my soul.

My heart is no longer breathing.

My mind just crumbles into dust.

I am broken.

This life is no place for this man to live.

I am not fit to survive on my own.

I don't know why I continue to try.

Just what is it that I am looking for?

What do I want?

What do I need?

I know this,

I know not.

My skies are always falling down on me.

My walls are all in ruins.

Weathered and withered am I.

Living for me hurts so very much.

That's why I am afraid to do so.

I'm even afraid to try.

What does it mean to live anyway?

What kind of man do I need to be?

And why do I seem to be so far away from myself?

I do not even know who I am.

God, how did I end up being this way?

Is it all a lie?

I sure hope it is.

I hope I open my eyes and it was all just a bad dream.

But I do not think that it is.

It is all so very real to me.

This is my reality.

I have been hurt.

I feel pain every day.

All the harms I have known keep me this way.

I look around me.

At the world around me.

It's then that I realize that I am actually looking in myself.

It's not about the world around me.

It's about the world within me.

That's where I live.

That's where I am slowly killing myself.

God please,

God please save me from myself.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

WHAT I HAVE BECOME

I believe in love,

but I am filled with hate.

I believe in the truth,

but I am filled with lies.

I believe in grace,

but I am filled with judgement.

I believe in acceptance,

but I am filled with loathing.

I believe in hope,

but I am filled with hopelessness.

I believe in faith,

but I am filled with despair.

I believe in forgiveness,

but I am filled with anger.

This is me,

what I have become.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

BLOODSTAINED HANDS

I was you, you were me.

I killed you, you killed me.

It was a crime that I did it to you.

It was a crime you did it to me.

Why am I the only one imprisoned?

Why am I the only one with bloodstains on his hands?

You are gone, I am still here.

I'm not so sure that's a good thing.

Because now I am completely alone.

With a total absence of everything.

Do I still believe?

Do I not believe any more?

The one thing I do know is that I do not know.

I am condemned.

I am cursed by my own words.

Where do I go from here?

When here is nowhere.

I regret everything I regret.

I left you lying dead on the ground.

But, I feel as though I am the one who's dead.

I am a ghost.

Neither here nor there.

Life no longer exists for me.

But then again, it never did.

There is no such thing as freedom.

I walk in the shadows.

I prefer it that way.

How am I supposed to believe with this black cloud looming over me?

Why has agony consumed me?

I know that I am guilty.

I punish myself every day.

I torture and torment myself.

I almost derive perverse pleasure from it.

It's almost like I'm killing myself all over again.

As I live in a prison of my own making.

Six walls and darkness absolute.

I scratch and I claw.

Even though there is no hope for escape.

Here I will remain.

This time I will wither and flake away.

I will crack and crumble to minute dust.

With no legacy left.

No one ever cared.

No one will ever care.

The no good son.

The wayward one.

The prodigal.

I killed you, you killed me.

I am no more, you are no more.

Just two lost souls, now become one.

But the end is the same.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY