I am me.
I am within me.
Yet, I do not know where I am.
I can speak.
I yell, I scream.
Yet, I cannot hear myself.
I feel what I feel.
Anger, hate and suffering.
Yet, I have become numb.
I look through my eyes.
I see all that occurs around and in me.
Yet, I cannot save myself.
I have hope.
I have faith.
Yet, my will fails me.
I continue every day.
I remain the same.
The realization I know all too well remains.
I am alive, but I do not live.
This is not where I belong.
Yet, here I am.
This is not who I am.
But it is, who I am.
Right here, right now.
I am struggling.
I am failing, miserably.
Why?
I do not know why.
This is my lot.
This is my measure.
Here I am, all alone with just me.
SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY
Hi Scott.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. I, too, suffer from these same feelings/emotions/thoughts. It does feel as if we're alone, but there are support groups like NAMI. Check out their website and see if there is a group in your area. As far as I know its free and you can make friends who understand what you're going through. If you'd like to chat, visit my hangout on G+.
Christine
I just read your "about me" section and, wow, what similarities between you and myself. I, too, believe that religion is a farce. Jesus said, "The only way to the Father is through me." When I read my Bible (mostly I just pray He'll show me what I need to learn, then open it up) its ALWAYS a Word in due season.
ReplyDeleteI have many of the same diagnoses as you also, but I do not let them define me.
It was a pleasure stopping by here today. Nice to meet you.
Christine
Thank you for your kind comments, Christine, and it's nice to meet you as well.
Delete"I am failing, miserably.
ReplyDeleteWhy?"
Maybe you're not failing. Enduring pain causes us to feel that we are failing. Not being in a place in life where we would like to be makes us feel that we are failing. How can we be failing though, when we trust in God, and we have a right to because of what Jesus did for us. If nothing seems to change, and we are enduring unendurable circumstances, and we insist on continuing to call out to God, how can we be failing? There must be another answer.
Thank you, Sandi, depression really does make one blind. It's next to impossible to see anything beyond ourselves. At times, I do indeed lose sight and forget the trust I have in God. Thankfully He remains true to His word.
ReplyDeleteNo one who is suffering should be judged for losing sight of God's work in their lives. Pain and suffering, whatever the origin, is something that God understands. He alleviates it in various ways. Sometimes it seems that he doesn't alleviate it at all. I don't have the answer to that, for myself or for others. I only know that I have no other place to go but to the Lord. My aching and bruised spirit returns to Him over and over again. His Word, His Savior, His Spirit are for me the well of life that He intended it to be, during difficult and unrelenting mental and emotional suffering.
DeleteI read this comment, or something similar, recently: "As we age, we find that there are no answers, only stories..."
Thank you, Sandi, as always, you are an encouragement.
Delete