LIFE STARTS NOW

Endless days and endless nights.
Trapped within my mind.
I don't know who I am.
I don't know where I am.
I've lost myself somewhere along the way.
I live in chaos and confusion.
Despair has taken me.
Hope is stretched thin.
My heartstrings all come undone.
I am cracked and crumbling.
I am falling apart.
My sky has fallen down on me.
Here I am crying.
Here I am broken.
A former shell of a man.
A faint shadow of him.
I feel helpless.
I am losing grip on my reality.
I have lost peace of mind.
Can you lose something you never had?
Who I was, who I am, who I might be
   doesn't matter any more.
I cry tears of dust.
They sting my eyes.
My heart and soul have corroded.
I try to open up, but I cannot.
I try to reach out, but I cannot.
I am corroded in place.
Unable to think clearly.
Unable to move.
I begin to root to where I am.
My path has been erased.
My reason for being has been lost.
I have no more purpose.
I have forgotten what my life was for.
Lying here I might as well be buried.
Weariness owns me.
I cannot breathe, choking, suffocating.
Afraid to, afraid to even try to.
I am worn.
I am weathered.
I am burnt out.
I am fading away.
I cannot see the light any more.
Feeling forsaken, forgotten.
Lies, I know.
But, so hard to feel or think otherwise.
Mine is a life yet to be.
A life yet to be lived.
Years wasted.
A dead life.
I have become so dim.
The fire has become cold embers and ash
   taken by the cold wind.
The hard driving rain washes away what is left.
I am overcome, I am overwhelmed.
I fought the fight alone.
I was doomed from even before I began.
Now condemned, now damned.
I just want to know one thing:
   God where are you?
Are you there, way up there?
Please, I am pleading with you.
Please, will you come and save me from all this,
   save me from myself.
There is still a little spark of hope in me.
Faint as I am.
Can you even see me?
I know I am but one tiny little speck.
But am I known to you?
Please, I am begging.
Please, with this faint hope I still hold on.
But my grip is slipping.
I am just not strong enough.
I never was.
That's why I have led myself to where I am.
Wherever it may be.
This hope is all I have.
It's melting though, like a burning candle.
After all is said and done there is you, only you.
With my meagre trust, I give what is left of me
   to you.
Will you please take all the pieces and
   make me whole again.
Not that I ever was.
I will put my torn and tattered faith in you.
As I lay here dying I will believe.
As hopeless and helpless as I feel.
I am not ready to die just yet.
Even if that is what my life is.
Please, God, kindle that little spark into a flame.
Let it warm me, let it melt me.
May it become a fire within me once again.
Raze all that I have become.
Raze all that held me prisoner.
Raze all that lied to me.
Kill me, then make me reborn.
Give me wings, let me soar up above it all.
Like the phoenix, let me rise from my own ashes
   flying straight through the sun.
Jesus, Lord Saviour, please keep me.
Separate me from me.
Make me me, make me the me I am meant to be.
Show me just where I am.
Reveal who I am.
Take me up and far away from this dead and 
   desolate place.
I want to live.
Bring me back to life.
Breathe life into me.
Be my life.
Teach me to live again for the first time.
Teach me to love.
Teach me to forgive.
I will wait for you, I will wait upon you.
It's all that I an do.
As I am, such as I am.
I know I am far from perfect, but I will never
   again stop trying.
Never let me forget where I came from.
So I will never return.
I may not survive this time.
As I go, you go as well.
I will hold onto you, I know you will never
   let me down.
Here I am, I take a deep breath, I exhale,
   life starts now.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(17/03/2013)