What kind of life is this?
I don't understand.
I am confused.
This is not the way I thought my life would be.
It seems more like death.
All my years just seem as though they were all wasted.
Never here but certainly gone.
Not a want to be, but a never was.
My heart has turned stone cold.
And I cannot breathe.
I hardened then I crumbled to dust.
Were am I?
Do I even exist?
My blood shot burning eyes have turned to You, my God.
Down on bloodied knees.
My calloused and bleeding hands reach out to You.
My life has died.
Please come close.
I am thinking I need You.
Take this broken heart, it doesn't work any more.
Can I have a new one please?
With my last breath I cry out to You.
I have tried so hard only to fail every time.
Left on my own my whole life.
I had no one and am no one.
God, I cannot go one more millimetre.
So much I have lost.
So much was thrown away.
Then again, I never had anything anyway.
I no longer want to feel as though I were dead any more.
This is where I fall, flat on my face in the mud.
I've no more strength.
So God, are You there?
I am needing You now, now more than ever.
No one ever told me, no one ever showed me.
I never had a guide.
I trusted no one, especially me.
That's why I need You.
To teach me how to love again for the first time.
My time's come due.
Al I have left is You.
All alone, all on my own.
Then there was You.
There was always You.
How could I look the other way?
How could I just walk away?
Giving up all that I needed and more.
I lay down in the cold of the shadows.
For the whole of my life I have tried to keep everything hidden.
Even my own self.
My own worst enemy, I was lying to myself.
That's how I was when I stopped looking for what I was looking for.
Whatever that was.
I'd forgotten a long, long time ago.
Who knew I'd find myself when I found You.
I have been hurt and betrayed.
Lied to and taken advantage of.
Now I admit my weaknesses.
I stand to breathe in Your sweetness.
Please God, bring me to life.
I only have my hope and faith, and I put it all on the line.
I will trust wholly and solely in You.
I am just so weary.
I am down to my last millilitre of strength.
I've gone limp, I'm falling.
God please catch me.
And hold me.
Carry me far away from here.
All in pieces, I know only You can make me whole again.
I have been restored.
Rebuilt just like brand new.
I do not ever want to walk away from You again, my Father.
In Your arms I am home.
Just as though I never left.
This is where I belong.
Home with You.
Where my heart longs to remain.
Lay my head down to rest now.
I am no longer afraid.
You are with me.
Your grace and love comfort me.
I can now rest assured.
I don't understand.
I am confused.
This is not the way I thought my life would be.
It seems more like death.
All my years just seem as though they were all wasted.
Never here but certainly gone.
Not a want to be, but a never was.
My heart has turned stone cold.
And I cannot breathe.
I hardened then I crumbled to dust.
Were am I?
Do I even exist?
My blood shot burning eyes have turned to You, my God.
Down on bloodied knees.
My calloused and bleeding hands reach out to You.
My life has died.
Please come close.
I am thinking I need You.
Take this broken heart, it doesn't work any more.
Can I have a new one please?
With my last breath I cry out to You.
I have tried so hard only to fail every time.
Left on my own my whole life.
I had no one and am no one.
God, I cannot go one more millimetre.
So much I have lost.
So much was thrown away.
Then again, I never had anything anyway.
I no longer want to feel as though I were dead any more.
This is where I fall, flat on my face in the mud.
I've no more strength.
So God, are You there?
I am needing You now, now more than ever.
No one ever told me, no one ever showed me.
I never had a guide.
I trusted no one, especially me.
That's why I need You.
To teach me how to love again for the first time.
My time's come due.
Al I have left is You.
All alone, all on my own.
Then there was You.
There was always You.
How could I look the other way?
How could I just walk away?
Giving up all that I needed and more.
I lay down in the cold of the shadows.
For the whole of my life I have tried to keep everything hidden.
Even my own self.
My own worst enemy, I was lying to myself.
That's how I was when I stopped looking for what I was looking for.
Whatever that was.
I'd forgotten a long, long time ago.
Who knew I'd find myself when I found You.
I have been hurt and betrayed.
Lied to and taken advantage of.
Now I admit my weaknesses.
I stand to breathe in Your sweetness.
Please God, bring me to life.
I only have my hope and faith, and I put it all on the line.
I will trust wholly and solely in You.
I am just so weary.
I am down to my last millilitre of strength.
I've gone limp, I'm falling.
God please catch me.
And hold me.
Carry me far away from here.
All in pieces, I know only You can make me whole again.
I have been restored.
Rebuilt just like brand new.
I do not ever want to walk away from You again, my Father.
In Your arms I am home.
Just as though I never left.
This is where I belong.
Home with You.
Where my heart longs to remain.
Lay my head down to rest now.
I am no longer afraid.
You are with me.
Your grace and love comfort me.
I can now rest assured.
SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY
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