THE DESERTER

Life is a war.

My mind is the battlefield.

But I deserted a long time ago.

I could not take it any more.

All the afflictions.

All the harms.

I bear too many scars.

Within me fear and hatred are intermingled.

In my heart I hemorrhage uncontrollably.

My soul is torn.

I try to run from it all.

But it all comes with me.

I am diseased beyond any healing.

It is consuming my mind.

Fragmented as it is.

I cannot continue to run any more.

I drop down.

Exhausted and exasperated.

Any hope slips from my grasp.

I am broken.

Poison racks my entire body.
Everything is growing grey.
Ever darkening.
As my heartbeat slows.
I can still hear the screams within my mind.
The visions haunt me.
I struggle to stand.
But I've no strength left at all.
And so I fall.
There is no getting back up this time.
As I continue to bleed where I lie.
I roll over and stare up at the heavens above.
"God, please heal or take me."
I am so far away from what I can take.
I am so far away from myself.
"God, if You are going to do anything please do it now."
With a fractured sight I look for You, I look to You.
There is no going back for me.
I will not go back!
The trauma is just too much for this crumbling man.
Call me a coward if you want.
I do not care.
This is the end for me.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY