WHAT HAPPENED TO ME (WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?)

Look at me, it's obvious you can't see me.

Listen to me, it's obvious you're ignoring me.

Don't you touch me, it hurts every time you do.

Don't you speak to me, it hurts every time you do.

I can't get away, I don't know where to go.

I can't stand up for myself, I fall harder every time I do.

I can't protect myself, the hits come more and harder.

These are my tears, frozen to my face.

These are my harms, invisible to all but me.

This all has harmed me, continuing to do so.

These wounds are permanent, even the scars still weep.

I have been hurt, all innocence is gone.

I look at you, I become angry.

I look at you again, I become enraged.

I look at me in the mirror, I feel the hate burn deep within.

Words are just not going to save me, they're hollow and just fall to the floor before me.

Don't you try to fix me, 'cause I am beyond all repair.

Besides, you don't know me, and cannot possibly know how to.

So leave me alone, go back the other way.

Forget about me, just like everyone else has.

I just don't care any more, I don't want your help.

I hate myself, I hate you, and I hate you.

The one who put me here, your anger and hate were contagious.

Now I am infected, and I am contagious too.

Thanks for that, I hate you for that.

You made me, you made me who I am.

What I have become, I am your work of art.

You should know that I have never healed, and that I never will.

Would you even care, do you even care?
And you, why do you care?
What am I, what am I to you?
You cannot possibly love me, you and I are completely far apart.
Where were you when I was dying, where were you when I died.
You don't know me, I don't want you to.
I don't know you, I don't want to.
Do not reach out to me, I will just back away from you.
Do not look at me, do not look for me.
I don't want you, I don't want you to.
Just go away, just leave me here alone.
Just like everyone before you, just like everyone after you.
This is what I am, this is who I am.
As much as I hate me, as much as I hurt me.
I am isolated, I am separated.
Imprisoned deep within, cold and naked.
In a prison of my own making, just six walls, no window, no door.
I have been here before, I will always remain here.
I have abandoned all hope, I am in my own personal living hell.
Absolute darkness, a total absence.
I hold onto everything, I'm afraid to let anything go.
I don't want to be left with nothing, I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
You can't see my own personal wounds, you'd only be frightened by them.
I am, and that's a surety.
The past, the present and the future, are all mixed into one.
I'm afraid to live, and much worse, I'm afraid to even try.
You should be proud of yourself, look what you made out of me.
I have become you, I have lost myself.
I don't believe in absolution, I don't believe in salvation.
There is no helping me, there is no rescuing me.
I just want to lie here, I just want to die here.
I will wait, I will haste.
Cut open, pulled open.
Ripped and torn.
Put to flame, razed to the ground.
Scorched and burned.
Beyond all recognition, beyond all.
I cannot forget, I cannot remember.
What happened to me. What happened to me?

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY