I GIVE MYSELF UP

The days grow short.

The nights become endless.

The light shrinks.

The dark grows.

More and more I become weary.

More and more I feel that I cannot go on.

There is chaos within me.

Clarity weakens.

I know only confusion.

If I could just close my eyes and make it all go away.

Fear grips me like an iron vice.

The more I struggle the more it tightens.

I can feel the life being squeezed from me.

My bones, they snap like kindling.

I can hear the laughter all around me.

As I scream in agony.

But no one hears.

I am the tree in the forest that falls.

As I build walls around me.

Just six walls, no door, no window.

I live in an absence of light.

I live in total absence.

Someone please hear me.

Someone please rescue me.

Heal me of my affirmaties.

Heal me of my afflictions.

This silence is slowly killing me.

I am isolated.

Deep down a dark and dank hole.

I keep my eyes closed.

For one darkness for another.

A cast away.

 A prisoner of self.

Who's going to save me?

Save me from myself.

God, are You there?

Please hear me.

Where all else ignores me.

There is a hole where my heart should be.

Please kill the evil angel wrapped around me.

You are my only hope.

You are all that I know.

All that I have.

Without You I am nothing.

I will and have become nothing.

I cannot retreat.

For I have been running for my whole life.

I cannot any more.

I cannot surrender.

For I have and am nothing to give up.

God please.

I trust You.

I am holding on.

But just barely.

Down on my hands ad knees.

Head held down.

Sweat dripping from my brow like blood from an open wound.

I breathe shallow.

As I drop to the ground face down.

God please come.

Lift me up and take me away.

I don't want to die.

Not like this.

I'm not ready to die.

Not just yet.

Please give me refuge.

Shelter me from the deluge.

Be my strength.

I am crying out to You.

God please.

Don't let me down.

I give up.

I give myself up to You.

I am Yours.

I belong to You.

For You have heard me.

You have saved me.

You came for me.

When everyone gave up on me.

Even myself.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY