FROM DARKNESS

I have lived in darkness.

I have walked that lonely path.

I stumble and fall.

It puts me down on my knees.

Being down I can only look up.

With shaking hands I reach out.

With a hoarse voice I call out.

I do not want to be where I am.

I do not like what I am.

I do not like who I am.

I am feeble.

I am wretched.

I can take it no longer.

I never could.

I just pretended that I could.

I lied to myself.

I was strong and courageous.

Meanwhile all the while.

I was falling to pieces.

I was being buried.

My life had become my grave.

Finally I cried, "NO!!!"

"NOT ANY MORE!!!"

God where are You?

Here I am.

Please come to me.

Take me away.

Soothe and comfort me.

My life is dead.

I am wounded and bleeding.

I am empty.

Everything drained through the hole in me.

God please.

Take me.

Give me breath.

I want to live.

I do not want to die.

Living here, where I am, will surely kill me.

Eventually.

Or maybe it already has.

Bring me back to life.

Bring me to life again for the first time.

I still have a small measure of hope.

But it is almost drained.

As am I.

I am forsaken.

I am deserted.

Left behind.

Left for dead.

Here I lay.

Please come to me.

Please come for me.

Take me up.

Take me away from myself.

Put me to death.

Once and for all.

Bring me back to life.

Once and for all.

Do not ever let me go.

Do not ever let go of me.

I think I am ready.

I want to walk on my own.

Just not left to my own.

I will always be holding onto Your hand.

I will always fall if I do not.

I am looking to You.

No longer for You.

I am alive.

I live in the light.

I am alive because You loved me.

I am alive because of Your grace.

I did nothing.

I said nothing.

I did not stand on my own merit.

You alone saw me.

You alone saw my need.

Even before I did.

You were always right where I was.

Even when I could not see or feel.

You poured out Your love all over me.

All over me just like water.

I still feel as I always have.

But I now realize those feelings lie.

I do not want to be a lie any more.

I do not want to live a lie any more.

I have come to hate that hollow feeling.

All the despair.

All the fear and loneliness.

Your love has come.

And all of that was cast off or ran off.

Here is my heart.

I give it to You.

Hold onto my heart.

I am trusting You.

Please keep it.

Please keep me.

Apart from You nothing is sound.

I am just ruins.

I am just dirt.

I am just dust.

Of everything that I could have and do have.

I just want You.

I just need You.

I give myself to You.

I am Yours.

As I always have.

So, I will go on.

I will keep on.

I will press on.

I will carry on.

I will sojourn here no more.

In my weakness and suffering I am strong.

For Your power is upon me.

I will fear not.

For You are with me.

Here I go.

Please do not let go.

As I go.

Your love goes.

Your grace goes.

I will never walk alone in darkness ever again.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY