I HAVE SCARS

Pain never really goes away.
There beneath the scars.
I still bleed.
The hurt is still there.
I still know of all my harms.
At times they resurface.
I am taken back to that very time and place.
As if it was happening again right then and there.
I cannot always hold the surge of memories back.
I am easily overwhelmed.
I quickly go under.
Without so much as a struggle.
Then comes the trauma I felt back then.
The torment from all the torture.
I wanted to die then.
I almost want to die now.
Memories like these quickly flood.
There is nothing I can do.
This time there is fight in me though.
I know this isn't real any more.
These memories are just old feelings.
Feelings that are lying to me.
As feelings tend to do.
And I realize, this time, I will survive, 
  I am still alive!
The pain is for but the moment.
Then it is gone.
Replaced by indescribable love.
I have my scars.
I am not afraid to let them show.
I know beneath the scars there is hurt and pain, 
  but there too is comfort and healing.
I have been hurt, I have done hurt.
I have cursed all.
I have felt great pain and I have caused great pain.
There is still anger and burning rage in me.
Still very much alive.
But the grace, and the love covering me 
  are stronger.
The comfort comes, as it always does, right when
  I need it the most.
So that I can heal.
Your unfailing love God is always right on time.
I have scars.
I bear them proud.
I wear them for all to see.
To me, they are medals of honour.
For what I had to live through.
For what I had to live with.
And still survived.
May you all see my scars.
And see that I have been healed.
Healed by God's undying grace and 
  unfailing, unconditional love.
Love that never ceases no matter what.
May these scars show the healing.
May there be a little of the pain and hurt remain.
Reminding me of how far I have come.
Of what I endured and survived 
  all the better for it.
And that God is there always.
These are my scars.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(23/11/2012)