ALL THE QUESTIONS

I ask the questions.

Expecting to receive the answers.

I rarely hear any.

So I am left with all my doubt.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe it's just the way life is.

Either way I'm left feeling frustrated.

Annoyed, and almost angry.

How am I supposed to find my way if I don't

    know how?

I will not ask you.

You do not know any better than I.

You do not even know me.

So, how can you possibly tell me how to live 

    my life?

Still you try.

So I just walk away.

Leaving your empty words lying on the

    ground where they fell.

I'm feeling, well, I do not really know.

I try to have a positive attitude.

I try to look on the brighter side.

But it's hard when I see no brighter side.

And as far as my attitude goes, well, 

    I'm having trouble caring about 

     anything right now.

Much less believing in anyone or anything.

I've been burned too many times.

Everyone lies!

That is just the way of it all.

And so here I am.

Feeling sorry for myself.

I'm angry at myself for letting everything

    get to me.

I ingested it all, now the poison courses 

   throughout myself.

I am not holding out for any hope for a 

    cure.

Still I have the original questions.

Now I know there will not be any answers

    to expect to come.

So I live with my disappointment in life.

This was not how I expected things to be.

All alone, all by myself.

Forgotten and left behind.

Story of my life.

It is what it is.

What does that mean?

Do not tell me that I am not the only one.

This is my life, I'm the only one who's going

    to live it.

Not all those others.

Maybe I have become jaded.

But, it just does not matter any more.

I'm feeling all this despair.

The cracks are starting to show.

Pieces of me have already started to

   crumble and fall away.

What am I suppose to do?

I mean, seriously, what am I supposed 

    to do?

I'm falling all apart.

I see only darkest ahead.

The tunnel I'm in has no light at the

    end of the tunnel.

I see everyone around me.

They all smile, looking just so damn happy.

Why can't that be me?

I do not deserve anything that is 

    hurting me.

I never asked for any of it.

But I continue on.

I pick myself up and carry on.

But these burdens are weighing down on

   me.

Man, I just cannot catch a break!

If only something would only go my way 

   just once.

I am not expecting that anything will.

Call me a cynic, maybe I am.

I just do not see anything else.

Other than as how I look at life.

Still I have all these damn questions.

What the hell am I supposed to do with 

    them?

How am I supposed to let go of anything?

What am I supposed to do now?

'Cause I just do not know.

God, do you have any answers for me?

Or have you gone deaf?

Here I am.

Where are you?

I could use some help down here.

Do you even care about me?

Oh how I wish that I could not care.

I want to be numb to it all.

I want to close my eyes for a night's rest.

Waking in the morning with everything 

    different.

And I would be happy for the first time

    since I don't know when.

I am just so tired.

I have grown so weary that I just cannot

    carry on any more.

I'm about to give up.

These questions have not got me anywhere.

I can no longer hold on.

My grip continues to slip.

But, I wonder about it all.

Is there something more to all this.

There has got to be.

I mean, I have come this far.

I cannot give up now.

God, if you're there, please come close.

God, please come and save me.

I am going to trust You.

Please, do not let me down.

I am willing to wait a little longer.

But not much longer.

I don't know how long I can hold on.

Could You please provide, maybe, just one

    or two answers to my questions.

And while You are at it, please take these 

    burdens I clutch onto.

Here! Take them.

So, here I am.

Everything is seeming to be different.

The storm has gone its' way.

The sun is coming out.

The sky turns to blue.

My frown turns into a smile.

God, was it You?

Did You come and pick me up?

Carrying me away.

Somehow I think You did.

Nothing is the same any more.

I am feeling so undeserving.

I just cannot wrap my mind around it.

But my heart seems to know.

So I will follow it.

God, I will follow You.

I do not want to return to where I was.

Life is still very hard for me.

And I still wander away.

Going my own way.

Doing things my own way, on my own terms.

But You always remind me of where I am.

And what it is doing to me.

Then I realize where I am again.

I go running right back home.

The home that is You

The only true home I have ever known.

I thank You for that.

You are always watching over me.

And watching out for me.

I'd be lost without You.

I am nothing without You.

You give me identity.

I am no longer who I was back when.

I am no longer where I was back then.

Yesterday is now gone, good-bye, good 

    riddance.

Tomorrow is not promised.

So here I am, living right here, right now.

I expect nothing any more.

I am not taking myself for granted.

I lost myself once.

I will not lose myself again.

So--Here I go, moving on.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY