A DISEASED MIND...A DISEASED BODY...A DISEASED HEART...A DISEASED SOUL

With a diseased mind there is a diseased body.

With a diseased heart there is a diseased soul.

God doesn't seem to care.

Where is He in all of this?

So very far away.

Forgotten and forsaken.

Alone and on our own.

It's no wonder that I want to die.

What did I do to deserve all this?

Why can no one help me?

Why does no one care?

Where is the love in this world?

God is hording it all for Himself.

It doesn't matter anyway.

"I do not give a...ah never mind"!

I don't care either.

I have been fighting for so long.

It's come to be a lost cause.

I try to hold onto hope.

But I have to wonder if hope has let me down.

My faith is shaken.

I feel broken beyond all repair.

I feel as though I cannot be saved.

Life keeps coming down on me.

I live amongst all the ruins.

But there aren't any ruins.

I never had any such thing as a so-called "life".

The silence that I hear is all inside my head.

Oh the screams that are driving me mad.

And I am half way there.

God, my so-called Saviour, where are You?

I want to die!

It's all just too much for a man like me.

But You already know that don't You?

"Ah, to hell with it all!"

I'm already there anyway.

But i just don't want to give up, not just like that.

But if there's nothing more; how can I continue?

A little little only goes so far.

I just don't know.

I don't want to care any more.

For to care is to feel.

And I don't want to feel any more.

Or is it I'd rather feel this pain than nothing at all.

I'm still alive.

I'm reminded each and every day.

When my mind awakens and the screams start from where they left off just moments ago.

Where is the sleep.

Something foreign to me.

God, I'm ready to give up.

Just like You already have.

Call me unforgiven.

Call me condemned.

Let go of me.

For I am already fallen.

I am encased within my frozen tears.

Lost deep within myself.

Where no one could ever go.

All alone.

The silence is deafening.

The dark is complete.

And I am afraid.

God, are You there?

Can You please save me?

I don't know what else to do.

I don't know who else to turn to.

I am just so tired of laying so much blame.

I' just so sick and tired of feeling so sick and tired.

God...are You there?

And here I am.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY