ALL THOSE TIMES

There have been times I have felt so cold and dark within.
I just could not face life right then.
So I would creep away to go hide.
To separate.
To isolate.
Those are the times I remember so vividly.
The times I wish I could just forget.
Cut them out of my mind.
Tear them from my heart and soul.
But their grip is deep and hard.
No amount of tears will wash them away.
Oh, if I could just burn them from my mind.
Schorch all those memories.
Blacken them all.
But all those times remain with me still.
I cannot escape them.
They haunt me night and day.
Oh God, I cannot take this any more!
Can you chase my demons from out of my mind?
I just want a moment's peace.
A moment's rest.
For I've been fighting for so long.
I have grown weary.
I am feeling faint.
I know I can't do this alone.
I've held it all in for far too long.
I am broken.
I am wounded.
I am infected.
Anger has taken me.
Hate has consumed me.
I don't know who I am any more.
If I ever needed You, now is that time.
Take me away from myself.
Banish the demons from my mind.
Suck out the poison from my heart.
Sew my soul back together again.
I've had enough.
No more! Is my cry.
I'm down to one last breath.
I'm holding on to my one last hope.
And that hope is You.
Here I am.
Please take me away.
Far away from me.
Let me know comfort for the first time in a long time.
If ever at all.
Cover me.
Restore me.
Breathe life back into me.
I just want to be whole again.
For the first time.
Those are the times that have brought me here.
I do not know where is here.
Am I supposed to be here?
I just want a place to call my own.
A place to call home.
For I have never felt or known of that.
Please hear me God!
Come to me now.
For I cannot go on.
My strength is depleted.
Here I lie dying.
I'm reaching for You with the last ounce of strength I have.
I'm looking to You.
Please come for me.
I close my eyes.
Is that You that I can see?
Somehow I feel assured.
I feel alive again.
I hope I can put those times far behind me.
I hope I can put all those times out of my mind.
Oh, to know freedom.
Oh, to not feel completely and utterly afraid any more.
All I ever needed was You.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY