AFTER ALL

You have always been taken from.
The only thing you were ever given was
   grief.
You were always left with nothing.
You were always nothing.
You never had any expectations.
You just wanted to be free.
To be free of all your despair.
You were always put down.
You were pulled up only to be knocked
    down again.
You always kept it all to yourself.
It was eating away at you like a cancer.
Your life always felt like it was dead.
It never seemed fair to you.
And you were always told that is how
   life is supposed to be.
Somehow that just did not feel right to
   you.
You never asked for anything.
Not a single bit of all you were given.
And you did not want any of it.
Why should you have to live this way?
No one should have to.
Whenever you reached out for help.
Your shaking hand just grasped empty air.
You might as well be a ghost.
No one saw you.
No one believed in you.
You were just a figment of an imagination.
You came to hate your reality.
You were just angry.
And you were just in that.
You used to believe in someday.
Now you know someday is never coming.
You only have your loneliness to keep you
   company now.
With all your tears.
They are the only thing you feel.
Along with the sorrow that accompanied
   them.
When is it all going to end?
Is what you always wondered.
This is not how life is supposed to be.
But you were always told to just deal
   with it.
You never could figure out just what that
   meant.
It was just like how you felt.
Meaningless.
Left behind.
Abandoned.
Forgotten.
Forsaken.
You resigned yourself to that it was never
   going to end.
This was your lot in life.
How it was meant to be.
You had received your measure.
Standing on the edge, looking down.
Is it really so far down?
It cannot be any worse than it already is.
It did not matter any more.
It's been so long.
Did it ever matter?
Did you ever matter?
Just what is life for?
If it only means pain and suffering.
You no longer believe that there is any
   purpose for you.
You no longer believe that there is any
   reason for you to be.
You have lost hope.
You have lost faith.
Is there any way out for you?
Just how are you going to escape?
All your paths have led you here.
Just where is here?
It might as well be nowhere.
It would be fitting, since you are no one.
All alone in a great big world.
Just one tiny speck.
All curled up in the dark corner of your
   mind.
With your head hid in your arms.
If this is it.
If this is all there is.
Then you might as well give up.
You might as well give in.
But somehow you are still hanging on.
You are just not ready to let go, not just
   yet.
You are not ready to die.
So you keep holding on.
You keep holding out.
So you wait.
For what, you don't know.
Maybe there is still hope for you after
   all.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY