TO ME

Words constantly were thrown and hit me hard.
I was knocked down and was not allowed  to
   get back up.
Their anger seared through my flesh.
The fear was suffocating.
I was ignored, forgotten and forsaken.
I was all alone.
What is a friend? I often wondered.
One not allowed for me.
I did not understand.
Do I pose a threat?
Am I that ugly for them to hate me so?
Just what is it?
Tell me and I'll change, I promise!
But all was to no avail.
Any effort on my part to reconcile was thrown
   right back at me.
Then I was spat upon.
More words were thrown at me like stones.
They hit, they crushed, they maimed, I bled.
I bore many weeping wounds.
I must be a disease.
I must smell of rot and decay.
What am I?
Who am I?
Why am I?
My face had permanent lines 
   carved into my flesh.
My tears were acid.
Their words, caustic.
I could not defend against so many.
I was a lost child.
A cast off.
A cast away.
Drowning in my own sea of tears.
With no hope for rescue.
I was heavy in the water.
I could not hold myself up.
I was just too weak, too tired.
What was all this for?
What sin am I guilty of?
I feel crucified.
Left to hang, to die in humiliation.
Still, I want to live.
If I could just get through this, 
   I could get through anything.
But far fetched dreams were they.
A figment of my imagination.
Seemingly impossible.
So it was for me.
I still bear many a scar.
Not all was healed.
I still feel some harms.
They may never go away.
But I am stronger now.
It is just me that I have to fight now.
I don't know what is worse.
But, this time I have hope.
I have faith.
I am no longer alone.
I never was.
I just could not see it.
I still have footprints covering my back.
I remember everything all too well.
I am trying to let it all go.
But the fear is still there.
I can still feel all the hurt and all the pain.
Maybe I always will.
Now I can stand.
I am holding on for all I am worth.
It may not be much, but it is something.
And that is everything...to me.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(19/04/2013)