A LIFETIME TOO LATE

You gave me me.
I became you.
We are one in the same.
Our thoughts, our reasoning.
We saw the world in the same way.
I hated you for that.
And even more so, me, for allowing it.
I never wanted it to be that way.
It was enough for me for me to be me.
I wanted nothing of you in me.
If I could have I would have cut myself open
   and bled myself of you.
Love was just a muttered word.
A lie you sometimes told me.
Or at least, something I never believed.
Too many lies you already uttered to me.
Just empty words.
I tried to put you out of my mind.
I kept you out of my heart.
I cut you out of my life, then again,
   you were never there in the first place.
You left me out.
You left me behind.
You forgot about me.
I grew up without you.
Even though we shared the shame house.
You were hiding within yourself.
A poor excuse for the harms and damage 
   you inflicted on me.
The scars I still bear, physically, emotionally,
   and spiritually.
But that was long ago.
Another lifetime.
I often said it was my worst fear to become you
   or even like you.
Then life got in the way.
My worst fear became my reality.
I became you.
After all was said and done.
Here I am...you.
Same thoughts, same behaviours.
Alone with everything.
With no one understanding me.
With no one hearing or even listening to me.
People fear me, especially our family.
Family is dead to me.
But, still there is you.
Deep inside of me.
I can now see you as you were.
As who you were.
For they make up a big part of me.
You, me, are one.
You are me, I am you.
Our lives run parallel, even crisscrossing.
We are intertwined.
But, you are no longer here.
One night you left life for eternity.
You were there, I closed my eyes, 
   you were gone.
Leaving silently, peacefully.
You never said good-bye, but that's alright.
You are still here with me, within me.
Now that I can see you in me.
I can now understand you.
Too bad it took an entire lifetime.
In the tears I shed I speak to you.
In my tears I can hear your whisper.
As if on the wind.
I am you.
I am a man.
I can only hope to be the man you were.
I deceived myself.
I believed all the lies I told myself.
As it was with you it was with me.
Unable to love or forgive myself.
One in the same.
Because you lived, I will do my best to live.
With you inside of me, in my heart and soul.
I will take on this world.
I will take on myself.
It is no longer just me, now it's you and I.
And my tears still speak for me.
I am you, you are me.
So much alike.
Just a lifetime too late.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(22/03/2013)