IN THE END

I can pretend no longer.
I am afraid to try.
I am afraid to make mistakes.
I can no longer hide away.
The world will always be there.
Life will always be there as well.
Sooner or later I am going to have to face it.
Look in the mirror and face myself.
Who and what I am.
I need to realize that this is not who I am.
I am so much more than I think.
So much more than I can see.
But believing is the hardest part.
How can I love and forgive when it hurts
  so very much?
I have lived a life of lies and betrayal.
My life is yet to be lived.
So I have wasted an entire life.
This is the cold, hard truth that I must face.
And face it alone.
I must learn to accept me for who I am.
What I am matters not.
What others say to me are just lies.
Out of their arrogance they show 
  their ignorance.
I admit I am not ready for myself.
I am not ready to live.
I am not ready for this world.
But too, I am not ready to die.
It's just another feeling and feelings lie.
Separated and isolated.
Still, everything remains.
My burdens weigh me down more and more
  everyday.
Can no longer keep my head above the water.
I choke and swallow my sin.
As despair washes over me, drowning me.
This is me.
Such as I am.
A lost and wretched soul.
Fallen.
This is just some of what I must face.
I cannot move on while still chained to the past.
And while chained to where I am.
I cannot ignore this any more.
I cannot ignore me any more.
And most of all, I cannot ignore You.
I have swept too much underneath.
It is all beginning to swell.
Oh, the stench!
I have pushed too much down into myself.
Now I am starting to come undone.
My seams are stretching to their limit.
My hinges are under way too much pressure.
And I need to face it all as it all grows.
The longer I do not, the bigger and harder it is
  to deal with.
I know I cannot do this on my own.
No! Not on my own.
God, I am looking to You.
Can You take all of this away?
Please, it is killing me slowly.
This is the end.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(20/11/2012)