NONEXISTENT

I search for sanctuary.
I am so lost, cold and alone.
I have not a home anywhere.
No shelter or refuge to speak of.
I wander aimlessly.
It feels like in endless circles.
I am unable to face myself.
I am unable to face who I am, what I am.
I am sorely lacking.
I've given up looking for whatever it was 
  I was looking for.
Torn down, dust and rubble.
A life all in ruin.
As the rain falls, so too my tears do.
I am soaked to the bone.
Miserable and shivering.
I am naked.
I have gone away; has anyone noticed?
Will I ever be able to?
Will I ever have the will?
Will I ever have the strength?
Will I ever believe?
Where am I?
I lost myself somewhere 'long the way.
Or did someone steal me away in the dark?
I am so tired.
I am so weary.
I am all worn out.
There is nothing left of me.
 I so want to be someone else.
Maybe the one I was meant to be.
Was I meant to be someone else?
I just don't know much anymore.
I don't remember much anymore.
Crying alone in the darkness.
Consumed by despair.
Loneliness imprisons me in a prison 
  of my own making.
I've stopped caring.
Nothing matters anymore.
I certainly do not.
No more, no more am I.
I'd call myself just a memory, 
  but I doubt even that.
Does anyone know or remember me?
This is silence complete.
Silence will be my suicide.
Inside the silence screams, to deafening.
Reverberating around, around within my mind.
The echoes are fading away.
I fade to grey.
Soon to fade to black.
I am lost in the middle of this desert
  that is my mind.
Lost in the middle of nowhere.
Where all my paths have led me.
Cowering here.
Looking at my sky.
There are no stars in my sky.
I think my sky is falling.
Just like everything else.
Oh, where have I gone?
Am I a condemned man?
Or is it all in my mind?
My mind is fractured and fragmented.
My mind cannot be set to heal again.
Oh, the pain I feel.
Tortured and tormented.
My throat is so dry.
I cannot speak, I cannot even whisper.
Much less pray.
So I await for the inevitable to wash over me.
No more hope.
No more faith.
No more love.
I am erased.
I exist no longer.
Did I ever?

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(08/10/2012)