LYING TO MYSELF

Here I sit in a cold room.
All by myself.
Feeling oh so alone.
The pain is consuming me.
I cannot breathe.
The silence is deafening.
I am invisible.
I am wondering what I have done now.
Where have I gone this time?
I am so far down I can no longer see any light.
Here I lie.
Feeling as though I've been forgotten about.
Unforgiven and forsaken.
I cannot see God anymore.
He does not speak to me.
I am not listening anyway.
Anger rises up in my heart.
Burning me from the inside out.
I fell down and did not get back up.
I am left here as I am right now.
As I am feeling right now.
And I just do not care any more.
I shatter the mirror as I watch my tears flow down my face.
I do not want to see that.
I hate all that I am feeling.
I do not care if I am lying to myself or not.
I hate my own inner voice.
'Cause I am lying to myself.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY