ALL THE HARMS THAT I HAVE

You can push me down, but I will get back up.

Push me down again, I will get back up again.

And I will keep getting back up again and again.

Come against me.

Come to me.

But I will not be afraid.

Fear is a choice.

And I choose not to.

But I look into your eyes and I can see the fear there.

You continually lie to yourself.

You just will not admit the truth to yourself.

The truth hurts doesn't it?

I feel sorry for you.

All the hurt, pain and anger you must hold deep down inside.

So you take it out on others.

Those who are seemingly less than you.

So you can feel superior.

Your strength comes from their fear.

You laugh now instead of crying.

You look down on me.

You see the tears that I cannot hold back, nor can I hide them.

You are angry because you see yourself in me.

I'm a painful reminder of the self you try to ignore.

So I stand.

I will not repay your evil with evil.

As much as you have hurt me and countless others I will show you love.

I will forgive you.

Even if you do not care.

Or laugh at me, calling me a joke.

But I can still see the pain in your eyes.

I can feel what you feel too.

I will not hate.

I will not retaliate.

Come at me, and I will step back.

Not because I'm a coward.

But because you are.

You see, you are a thorn in my side.

One that I cannot remove.

I feel the consuming pain.

As I drop down to my scarred knees.

But I look up at you.

So much anger, so much hate.

You call me weak.

What you don't know, is that in my weakness I am made strong.

That is the power of the One in me.

He is my strength.

I am just one, that is true, but I am just one under One.

God still loves you.

I can do no less.

As He loved, I will love.

I will try to always give love when I am given hate.

In my very Heart of Hearts I believe in this one simple thing.

Love is forgiving and love is for giving.

You can walk away from me if you want.

You can continue to curse me.

You can spit on the ground at my feet.

But I'll not change my heart.

For that is who I am.

I was made in the image of Love for Love.

If only you could see what He sees in you.

For He knows your heart.

As He does of all of man.

God is the One who can change the heart of a man.

But you are so consumed with anger, rage and hate.

You hold onto everything because you don't want to be left with nothing.

So you draw solace in believing you are strong.

You are above the weak.

You have deceived yourself.

And that is your choice.

Your feelings are lying to you.

So you hold onto all the bitterness and the gall.

You turn and face me once again.

Yelling at me in a fit of rage uncontrolled.

You make accusations of me.

But I will stand against you.

The physical harm will heal.

Just another scar I will bear proudly.

The emotional harm will not heal so easily.

For it cuts deep down into the very core of me.

That kind of pain is indescribable.

That kind of pain is unspeakable.

As I bear my scars, I bear the pain from all the harms.

But, as it hurts so very much.

I will rise up again.

I will love and forgive starting with myself.

You are not my enemy.

That role would be mine.

I am my own worst enemy.

And at times I have been like you.

I have hated.

I have been violent.

Hurting those who loved me.

And most of all I was hurting myself.

As you do now.

I look at you.

And I can see me.

I know exactly where you are.

I have been there many times.

More times than I care to remember.

And, I'm ashamed to admit that I still visit.

So, go ahead, hurt me.

I will not hurt you in return.

I have done that too many times.

So many times.

You cannot hurt me as much as I can hurt myself.

So, back off, turn and walk away.

It makes no difference to me.
I can see your true character.
One of fear and anger.
The two go hand in hand.
You always show yourself to be the fool.
Not as you call me.
If only the strong survive was true,
then why are you failing?
Now, you will have no more of me.
I will walk away from you,
I will leave you far behind.
I'm not looking back.
I'm not looking over my shoulder in fear any more.
The hurt from all the harms I received remains.
Wounds still bleeding.
I can forgive but, I cannot forget.
I guess in a way I am still being knocked down.
This time, I am slow to get back up.
Physical harms will heal.
Mental harms, not so much.
And no amount of time will heal the pain I still feel.
But I know I am not alone.
Not in this, not in anything.
There is One who remains with me.
He is the one who holds me.
And the One who holds me upright.
Wipes away all of my tears.
Bringing comfort to my hurts.
His love makes the difference in everything.
And it's His love that wraps 'round me.
Giving me soothing while I am healing.
Only He can change the heart of this man.
Only He can bring healing to this man.
I am damaged, but I am not.
I am broken, but I am not.
Love has taken me.
Love is keeping me.
With all of the harms that I have,
love is all that I need.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY