NOTHINGNESS TO NOTHINGNESS

I tried for so long.

But I could never fit in.

Oh how I longed to.

It was all for naught.

Always left alone, dismayed and...alone.

"I am so alone, I hate my life, I want to die."

The words I used to say.

I hated the me I was.

The me I was hated me too.

Further I sank with in the blackness within me.

No one ever came around and that 

  suited me just fine.

For hating me I hated them right back.

They hurt me, they are hurting me.

But I will hurt myself first.

Maybe then I will become numb.

And they won't be able to hurt me any more.

They say the pain just reminds you you are alive.

If that's true then why do i want to die.

I want to die.

I am so tired.

I am so very tired.

God, where are you?

Do you hate me like everyone else?

Have you forgotten about me?

I just don't know.

I just don't know what I believe anymore.

I just want the hurt and pain to stop.

Who can make it a;; stop and go away?

I am at my end.

God, is there another beginning?

But I'm not so sure I want to begin again.

What if that life is worse than this life.

I could not take it.

I cannot take it now, here.

So empty am I.

So full of the blood from the hopelessness.

I am hemorrhaging on the inside.

I would cut myself to blood let.

But I am too afraid of that too.

So here I suffer in silence.

I keep it all to myself.

I keep it all in myself.

Even though it means I hurt more.

Even though it means the pain will grow.

Consuming me eventually.

Eventually I will reach my end.

Eventually I will have to meet my last resort.

This is my last resort.

God, will you let me come home? 

I just want to come home.

It's the only way for the hurt and pain and everything

  else to stop.

I'm coming home.

God, please let me in.

I will move from this nothingness to another

  nothingness.

I am nothing.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY-(01/10/2012)